Chapter 103 --> Metal Face's Real Face

[Clarence]

In the darkness of night a navy ship is doing a routine test mission when suddenly....

BOOM!

The calm of night is broken by the sound of explosions and the agonizing screams of terror from naval officers who are suffering terribly. The water turns red with blood as the burning ship sinks... The stench of death fills the air and bodies float all over and are ravaged by Seagulls...


~~~~~~~~

Dave wakes up from a nightmare covered in sweet in his bed and clearly out of breath.

Dave: No..... the nightmare.... why am I having the nightmare again?

Dave rips his pillowcase open to reveal that it's stuffed with cocaine and he begins to snort it and then drinks a full bottle of NyQuil and goes back to sleep.

~~~~~~

At the nursing home for elderly super villains...

Dr. Bad is celebrating his 137th birthday... or as best as they can assume. All of the elderly residents and nursing staff gather for this occasion. The head nurse brings out a cake with 137 candles on it and sets it on a table in front of Dr. Bad.

Nurse: Don't forget to make your birthday wish, Thaddeus!

Dr. Bad (A.K.A Thaddeus): My Bum hurts.

Nurse: That's not a wish.

Dr. Bad: My liver spots hurt.

Suddenly the cake explodes in flames from the amount of candles and the nursing staff all struggle to put out the flames when....

BOOM!

The walls of the nursing home bust open to reveal a giant blue monster .... it's Revenge (formerly known as Wheels)

Dr. Bad: What was that.... did I fart?

Revenge: Dr. Bad... I need your help!

Dr. Bad: Hello?

Revenge wheels Dr. Bad out of the nursing home and disappears into the woods.

(Dr. Bad and Metal Face were the only bad-guys to escape the battle of Steroids Man's and Amanda's wedding, all other villains were either killed or put in jail)

~~~~~~~~

Metal Face is at his evil castle (Formerly Dr. Bad's castle) and is preparing vigerously to kill Steroids Man once and for all.

Metal Face: Time to unleash the first of my many waves of evil plans. This gerbil!

Metal Face holds up a gerbil ball containing of course, a gerbil.

Metal Face: Yes, my most evil plan to date. I am going to give Steroids Man a gerbil! Oh how delightfully clever this will be!

Metal Face laughs menacingly for a while until his throat is sore and he needs a drink of water and continues to ramble on....

Metal Face: Steroids Man will become good friends with this gerbil. Good friends indeed. And when Steroids Man and the gerbil become inseparable I will snatch the lovable pet away from, destroying his heart and leaving his life in ruin!! WHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!!

Metal Face gets up out of his seat and walks toward a webcam that was recording this speech and he sits in front of a laptop with popcorn to watch it.

~~~~~~~~

Steroids Man goes out into the living room with Amanda, The Robot, Dirty Donna, Dougette and Phil all excited.

Steroids Man: Look everyone! I got a gerbil in a ball!

Amanda: Where did you get that?

Steroids Man: Some random guy handed it to me.

Phil: That's .... mysterious.

Steroids Man: Maybe so, but look how cute he is. I'm going to get so attached to this!

Amanda: What about the cats?

Steroids Man: They are yesterday's news, gerbils are the wave of the future!

In the doorway to the other room, Max, Conky and Kiera all sink their heads and walk away sadly.

~~~

Steroids Man grows to become very fond of the gerbil, taking it everywhere. Steroids Man has never had so much fun with a pet.

We cut to a montage of him walking it in the park.... swimming while a gerbil ball floats in the pool with him, watching movies together. They spent many good times together and Steroids Man has just finished compiling a photo album of him and the gerbil when the doorbell rings.

Because Steroids Man loves the gerbil so much, he takes it with him when he answers the door.

Steroids Man opens the door while holding the gerbil in his arm to see a mysterious man dressed in black with a black trench-coat and top-hat and one of those tiny silk masks that disguise the eye region sort of like what Zorro wears. In short he looks like a very evil version of Zorro.

Steroids Man: Hello....

Evil Guy: Hello there, can I see your gerbil?

Steroids Man: Well... ok here you go.

The Evil Guy takes the gerbil, ball and all and opens the ball and takes his gun and shoves it inside and blows the gerbil's head off.

Steroids Man drops his jaw in shock and the evil guy hands the ball back containing the dead gerbil. Steroids Man looks at the dead animal in a ball and is in severe shock.

Evil Guy: Good day.

The evil guy tips off his hat and leaves.

Steroids Man falls to his knees crying.

Steroids Man: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~~~~~

Metal Face receives a call and holds the receiver to his ear.

Voice from the phone: The gerbil is dead.

Metal Face: Excellent!

~~~~~~

We see a car speed to the hardware store and park in 3 handicapped spaces. Steroids Man gets out of the vehicle crying his bottom off and enters the store.

In the store, Steroids Man is talking to a store clerk.

Clerk: Ok, so this is our selections for shovels. Anything in particular you're looking for?

Steroids Man: *sob* just ... *cry* anything to dig a hole ..... *sniff*....

Clerk: Ok, you want this one.

We then see Steroids Man at the checkout crying loudly and paying the cashier with change.

Steroids Man goes back to his illegally parked car while carrying a shovel and rips up a traffic ticket while sobbing in agony.

~~~~

Dave is on the couch playing video games and Dougette watches him from the hallway wearing a sexy red glittery dress.

Dougette (Thinking): Come on Dougette, just get out there and do this!

Dougette sits next to Dave and checks her hair and pushes her boobs up.

Dougette: Hey there Dave.

Dave: Hey there ... *toke*

Dougette: How you doing?

Dave: I'm doing swell.

Dougette: What do you say we go out to dinner some time? Maybe get to know each other better?

Dave: Hell no.

Dougette stands up and storms out of the room.

Dougette: Well smurf you!

~~~~

We hear funeral music and see Steroids Man digging a hole and drop the gerbil ball and contents in the ground. We pan over to see the funeral music is coming from the robot's speaker and Dirty Donna is here too wearing black clothes with cigarette burns in them.

Steroids Man begins to bury the gerbil while crying loudly as the neighbours look on. Amanda comes home and parks her car and looks over to see this going on.

Amanda: Oh dear.... I guess I'll have to put off the talk about all these people living with us until later.

Amanda goes over to Steroids Man who is still crying openly and his eyes are bloodshot from the tears.

Amanda: I'm so sorry..... the gerbil passed away didn't he?

Steroids Man: Sargent Nibbles.....

Steroids Man falls to his knees.

Steroids Man: His name was Sargent Nibbles!!! *loud crying*

Amanda: I'll smurf you twice right now if you forget about all of this forever.

Steroids Man stands up abruptly and slaps the dirt off himself.

Steroids Man: Ok then, that's enough of that.

~~~~~~

Steroids Man and Amanda are happily eating cereal together at the table a few days later and Metal Face is watching them from behind the kitchen window.

Metal Face: I don't get it ... he's in there laughing.... how can be happy after what I did to him?

Inside, Amanda and Steroids Man continue to talk while shoving spoonfuls of Cheerios into their mouths.

Amanda: Metal Face is in the yard again.

Steroids Man takes the broom and pushes at Metal Face from the open window.

Steroids Man: Get out of here! Go pester someone else!!

~~~~

As the days go by, Metal Face executes silly evil plan after silly evil plan until one day.....

Metal Face is at his desk drinking a can of Red Bull. He places it down on the desk and we see there is many empty and crushed cans of Red Bull all over. Metal Face opens a drawer with a large brown envelope labeled: Evil Plan # 103.

Metal Face: Well, 103rd time's a charm! Man am I tired....

Metal Face picks up a box of expensive Cigars.

Metal Face: ... but soon Steroids Man will be tired.... DEAD tired when he smokes these explosive cigars!!!!

~~~~

Steroids Man gets the mail and opens a box to find the cigars. He places the empty box on the table and enters the living room with the cigars.

Steroids Man: Hey everyone.

Phil: What's that?

Steroids Man: I dunno... someone sent me some cigars through the mail... but I don't want them. Does anyone here want them?

Dirty Donna already has them in her hand and is sitting next to the robot on their own separate couch.

Dirty Donna: You better believe I want them!!!

Steroids Man: How did you grab them so fast?

Dirty Donna lights the cig.....

BOOM!

Dirty Donna has exploded and the robot takes the brunt of the blast. All that remains of her is a large nicotine stain on the charred couch.

There's a long awkward silence.

Amanda: Well... there's one less room-mate we have to worry about.

Everyone lets out a loud "BOO"

Steroids Man: Wow.

Phil: That wasn't cool at all....

Dougette: Horrible.

Dave: *toke* .... did someone just explode?

Robot: No....... MY GIRLFRIEND!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

The robot begins to go on a rampage when Phil quickly acts.

Phil: Robot, listen to me, delete all memory files related to Dirty Donna.

The Robot stops and we see his head whirl around a bit and then he stops and looks around.

Robot: WHAT'S WITH THE MESS?

Steroids Man: I just got exploding cigars in the mail....

Amanda: Metal Face again?

Phil: Obviously. Wait a sec...

Phil goes into the kitchen and finds the package that the cigars came in.

Phil: Hey guys.... he actually put his return address on here.

Steroids Man: Really?

Phil: Yes and.... wait a minute, of course I know where this is... he lives in Dr. Bad's old castle!

Amanda: Ok, let's all get this guy and end this crap once and for all!

~~~~~~~

Metal Face is happily awaiting confirmation if the explosive cigars worked.

From the bushes, one of many shadowy figures Metal Face hired reports.

Shadowy Figure: No, Steroids Man is alive and they all drove off somewhere. All you managed to kill was some elderly lady.

Metal Face: Damn it!

Metal Face hangs up the phone and finishes another energy drink and tosses it into a pile. He is not willing to go to bed until Steroids Man is killed.

Metal Face: Ok then.... let's see what else I can come up with.

Metal Face opens another tasty can of Red Bull and looks up and spits a big cloud of energy drink out and stands up abruptly.

Metal Face: WHAT THE smurf!!?!?!

Metal Face is in shock as somehow Steroids Man, Amanda (in police uniform), Phil, Dougette, The Robot and Dave all snuck in and are all standing before him.

Steroids Man: It's over Metal Face, we're taking you in once and for all.

(If you can believe it, Metal Face has never been jailed)

Metal Face sneaks over to a large dresser while speaking.

Metal Face: I don't know how you guys found me but....

Phil: You left your return address on the explosive cigars.

Metal Face: ...damn sleep deprivation! No Matter, you will never catch me!

Amanda: You're not going to get through all 6 of us!

Dougette: Yeah, and you killed an innocent carton-smoking by the hour lady today!

Robot: WHAT?

Metal Face (Finally making it to the large dresser): Try to catch me ... When you're dead!!!

There is a huge dresser with many tiny drawers. Probably an 8x10 of drawers and Metal Face opens one to reveal..... postage stamps.

Metal Face (Nervously): Oops... wrong drawer. But my gun is definitely in THIS drawer!

Metal Face opens another drawer to find cotton swabs.

Metal Face: Damn it! Where is my gun!?

Steroids Man: Ok, I'm bored of this.

Steroids Man approaches Metal Face and Metal Face panics!

Metal Face: Oh hell no!

As Steroids Man gets closer, Metal Face whips drawers at him and it slows him down. Metal Face still never found the gun but tips the large chest of drawers over and it falls on Steroids Man.

Metal Face scrambles and gets behind his desk as Amanda jumps on top of it. Just then, Metal Face kicks the desk and it spins around knocking Amanda off.

Dougette comes around the other side of the desk punches Metal Face in the metal mask, hurting her hand.

Dougette: Son of a jabberwocky, I just did my nails!

Metal Face uses the heavy metal gauntlets he's wearing and punches at Dougette and she falls down.

Metal Face then tries to run away but the robot grabs his cape and it rips off. Metal Face still has half a tattered cape.

Dave: Don't worry guys! I'll get him!

Dave takes a slow and sweet puff off his joint.

Dave: Just let me smoke the rest of this first.

Metal Face makes it to the door out of the room but Phil is in his way.

Metal Face: Out of the way you!

Phil: You're going down! You've been tormenting Steroids Man for far too many years to get away this easily!

Steroids Man is standing up dusting the dresser debris off him.

Steroids Man: He has?

Phil suddenly does high kicks and punches and displays a surprisingly good skill at martial arts. Metal Face does his best to block some punches but most of the blows are absorbed by Metal Face's metal mask, large knee-high metal boots, long metal gauntlets and a metal chest plate.

Phil is now tired and sore from hitting metal and out of breath.

Phil: Damn it man how do you wear all that metal?

Metal Face: I work out!

Suddenly Metal Face is getting shot at by Amanda and sparks fly as the bullets bounce off the Metal and only one hits him, in the shoulder.

Metal Face: Son of a jabberwocky!

Amanda is out of ammo.

Steroids Man: I'll get him!

Steroids Man runs at Metal Face and Metal Face drops himself and holds his pointy boot up and Steroids Man runs princess sophia-first into it and falls to his knees in pain.

Steroids Man: OUCH MY PLEASURE STICK!

The robot comes over to get Metal Face and Metal Face crawls to an unopened Red Bull and shakes it and pulls the tab and a spray blasts the robot.

The Robot: My circuits! I'm not suppose to get Red Bull in it!

Amanda comes over and slips on spilled energy drink and bangs her head on the desk.

Dave is still smoking away.

Dave: One sec guys.

Dave starts a fresh new joint.

Dave: Just one more I promise.

Dougette: Damn this smurf guy!

Dougette comes over and gets on Metal Face and chokes his neck. Metal Face punches from below and the metal fists do some damage and she gets off.

Metal Face Stumbles to get away and Steroids Man staggers around and Metal Face grabs a large sledge hammer and smashes Steroids Man in the face.

Phil comes back and hits Metal Face from behind with a vase. Metal Face grabs an old photo of Dr. Bad off the wall and busts the frame over Phil's Head.

Amanda Gets back up and ....


....

Ok, to save you, the readers, a lot of time, I will just say the fight goes on for about 2 more hours until.....


...

Metal Face is tied to a chair and blood is coming down his metal mask mouth hole and out of his shoulder from the gun shot wound.

Steroids Man, Amanda, Dougette and Phil are all bloody and bruised. The robot is kind of denty and scratched up a bit I guess. Dave is still smoking a joint.

Dave: This is my last one guys, then I promise I will help you fight.

Steroids Man: We already won!

Amanda: Yeah.... I can't believe it took all of us like 2 hours to defeat one guy.

Dougette: We kind of suck huh?

Metal Face looks up at everyone while he's bound to a chair.

Metal Face: Ok, you guys beat me. Now just leave me here to die!

Amanda: Oh no buddy, after all you did to us, you're not getting off Scott free!

Metal Face: What are you going to do to me..... I don't think I could handle jail.... I'm so scared!

Steroids Man: Let's take your mask off!

Metal Face: No! You can't! My face is deformed!

Dougette: What happened to you?

Metal Face: I fell face forward into a table saw. Please my face is so disfigured!

Phil: Take his mask off! When I worked for Dr. Bad and attended League of Evil meetings with Metal Face, his face accident story changed constantly!

Metal Face: That's because I don't want to mention the REAL problem with my face. Please, please, PLEASE don't expose me!

Steroids Man: No I think I want to see it!

Metal Face: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Steroids Man goes over to Metal Face and tries to remove the mask... but it's on there really good.

Steroids Man: How do you get this damn thing off anyway?

Metal Face: I'll never tell!

Phil (coming over): I can figure it out!

Dougette: Who needs to figure something out? There's a crowbar over here.

~~~

It takes them an hour to finally prepare to unmask Metal Face as Metal Face has the mask on very good to avoid this from happening. But Metal Face has finally run out of luck.

Metal Face: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Steroids Man removes Metal Face's mask and stands back and observes while everyone watches.

From the perspective of the back of Metal Face's head we see everyone's reactions.

Everyone gasps loudly!

We then get a look at Metal Face's Face.

He has the normal and undamaged face of a regular every day looking black man.

Everyone is in shock.

Metal Face: That's right.... I'm just a regular black man.

Dougette: It's hideous! *vomits loudly*

Steroids Man: I don't get it.... why have you been hiding this all this time and pretending your face is deformed?

Metal Face: Because... I'm a black man! And a bad-guy! Me or my family did not want to perpetuate a negative stereotype, so we all hid behind masks!

Amanda: Racism is dead, it's 2012.

Metal Face: Exactly! And I wanted to keep it dead by hiding my roots! Come on, I come from a family of black people who all decided to become criminals! Have you ever watched Cops? There's always black people breaking the law!

Dave: Almost done the joint guys, just hold on til I'm done and we can defeat this guy!

Amanda: Oh, shut the smurf up!

Metal Face: I can't believe my life has come to this point.... what am I going to do?

Steroids Man: Oh crap, he's still talking.

Metal Face: Speaking of racism, do you know what my real name is? My last name is Black and my first name is ..... DeShaun! My name is DeShaun Black!

Everyone looks at him and is at a loss for words.

(Here on out Metal Face will be captioned as DeShaun)

DeShaun: We were all criminals and then we all moved up to the big time.... all wearing masks and hiding our skin at all costs. When our Grand-Father, Leather Face died we all got a grand inheritance. I used to have my own castle and now I have to live in Dr. Bad's old castle like a squatter.

Everyone grabs a seat and listens to a tied up DeShaun as he doesn't appear to be done talking any time soon.

DeShaun: Me, my Brother, Mom and Dad all set out to become well known super villains. I was starting my super villain career about the time you (Steroids Man) were starting your hero career. I figured since you were new to the scene I could make you my first victim and make a name for myself!

Everyone still listens.

DeShaun: You were so ridiculously hard to kill! I have been trying for so long! (Since Episode 4 of season 1) Do you know how maddening that is? You were suppose to be a quick and easy kill! When I killed you I was going to move on but you would never die so I could never move on! You put my whole super villain career on hold!

Steroids Man: .... sorry?

DeShaun: Because I couldn't complete that one task, the only thing I ever tried to accomplish, I became obsessed! I kept almost getting you but you kept escaping my grasp! It became such an obsession that it started to give me sexual gratification whenever I could hurt you! You ruined my life! I'm a complete failure and it's your fault!

~~~~hours later.

DeShaun: You jabberwocky! You absolute Shay! You're the worst I hate you, I hate you, I HATE YOU!

Everyone is extremely tired and are drinking some of Metal Face's Red Bull to stay awake when Steroids Man looks at his watch.

Steroids Man: Holy crap it's 10:20 PM!

Phil: shazam!.

Amanda: We've been doing this all day!

Dave: Last joint I promise, then I'll jump right in and help you guys fight.

Steroids Man: Let's go home.

DeShaun: What about me?

Steroids Man: I don't know... I'm too tired to make any decisions, can we resume this tomorrow?

DeShaun: You can't just leave me here!

Amanda: He's right. Let's just drop him off at the jail.

DeShaun: Nooooo please not that.... anything but that. Haven't I already been punished enough?

Steroids Man: What do we do here?

DeShaun: I just told you guys everything about me and poured out my heart and soul ... and you've seen how clear of a failure I have been. My super villain career is clearly a joke and you've bested me... I've got nothing left to prove or do ... or live for.

Phil: Maybe we can bring him home and try to rehabilitate him.... I think he's had a clear epiphany. I don't think he was a bad person, he was just confused and brought up wrong.

Amanda: Are you serious?

Phil (To DeShaun): What do you think? If we took you in and helped you start over, would you want that?

DeShaun: Yes, I think the time has come for that very thing to happen.

Steroids Man: I don't know about this.

Phil (To Steroids Man): This is good, we can turn his life around and and do a really good thing here. Trust me, we all know this guy now, he told us everything. If we get him back as a productive member of society then you will make yourself look better as a hero. A hero who helped convert a bad-guy.

Steroids Man (To DeShaun): Ok, you can come live with us.

Amanda: Are you serious? We can't have more people living with us!

Dougette: Well, there is a vacancy with the robot's girlfriend dead.

Robot: WHAT?

~~~

Phil gets DeShaun a room and gets him all situated.

DeShaun (sitting in bed): Thanks again for all your help.

Phil: No problem.

DeShaun: Is the robot really going to have to stay in the room with me?

Phil: Yes, sorry, just until we have more time together I will have to program the robot to watch you and kill you if you try to escape or attack one of us.

Phil leaves the room.

Phil: Good night.

Phil turns off the lights and the Robot's eyes glow.

Robot: ALLOW ME TO SING YOU A SONG TO HELP YOU SLEEP!


~~~~~~~~~

Cut back to inside Dr. Bad's castle which is empty except for one person.

Dave: Ok guys, I know I said that last joint would be my last joint but I did find more joints in my back pocket.














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