Chapter 92 --> Dougette

[Clarence]

Steroids Man is in the kitchen with water running over a huge turkey and holding on to a garbage bag. Phil enters the room.

Phil: What's up?

Steroids Man: I, Steroids Man ... also known as Steve Mann am the best boyfriend ever!

Phil: Oh? Are you no longer engaged?

Steroids Man: Of course I am, what the hell are you talking about? This is going to be the best Valentines Day ever!

Phil: Valentines was weeks ago!

Steroids Man: She will be far too impressed to notice that!

Phil: So.. you're cooking a turkey?

Steroids Man: Yup. I'm going to have a romantic turkey dinner, just me and Amanda. It's so great that she has this time off work.

Phil: So... you are both going to eat that entire turkey by yourselves..... and wait a minute, since when can you cook?

Steroids Man: It's easy, I'm going to shake and bake it.

Phil: How... are you going to shake and bake an entire turkey?

Steroids Man: Well, I already filled this garbage bag with like 50 packages of shake and bake... all I gotta do now is insert the wet turkey.

Steroids Man puts the turkey in the garbage bag which is filled with shake and bake and it makes a huge thunk as it hits the bottom of the bag and connects with the floor.

Phil: There's no way this is going to end good.

Steroids Man: And now for my favourite part, the shaking!

Steroids Man injects some steroids and swings the garbage full of shake and bake and the giant turkey over his head until the turkey busts out of the bag and goes through the second floor kitchen window. Steroids Man and Phil are covered in shake and bake and they hear a car alarm going off.

Steroids Man: Oh shazam!....

Phil: What happened...

Steroids Man: Looks like the turkey landed on Amanda's police car....

Phil: So.. your romantic dinner turned into messing up Amanda's car, you got the moves alright.

Steroids Man: Shut up, at least I have somebody. The closest thing you'll ever have to a relationship is your laptop, but I would like to see a laptop hug you.

Phil: You can't still be mad because I suggested you guys hold off on tickle fight are you?

Steroids Man: I take it you haven't been to the new "I hate Phil" room of the mansion yet....

Phil: Trust me, you'll thank me when your honeymoon turns out to be AWESOME!

~~~~

Steroids Man is sitting on the couch playing video games with the robot.

Phil: I thought you were going to clean Amanda's car before she finds out?

Steroids Man: I will eventually but this game is so good!

~~

Amanda comes home from her light exercise run (her legs are still recovering) and sees her police car with a weakened alarm going off, a dent in the roof and wild animals and birds eating the turkey meat. Some animals are fighting each other for it.

Amanda comes inside the mansion.

Amanda: What the hell happened to my car?

Steroids Man does not break concentration from his game.

Steroids Man: Hey Amanda, glad you're home. What are we gonna do for supper, I'm STARVING!

Amanda (Trying to convince herself): I love you so much.... I really do. I sure do.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day Steroids Man is getting ready to leave.

Steroids Man: I'll be back shortly baby.

Amanda: Ok, just be careful!

Steroids Man: I will!

Steroids Man heads out and drives off and The Manager projects himself in the passenger seat next to him.

Steroids Man: So.... what horrible thing do you got me doing today?

The Manager: We need the tears of a child atheist and prostitute blood... and a wicker basket.

Steroids Man: Ok....

~~

Amanda goes and sits down and turns on the TV.

Amanda: Might as well see if anything good is on... *sigh*

Doug enters the room. He still looks ugly and scarred up and has better functioning female robot legs. He sits down next to Amanda who looks very uncomfortable.

Doug: Hey there.

Amanda: Hey....

Doug: How are things?

Amanda: Ok I guess.

Doug: That Steroids Man huh? Kinda bringing ya down?

Amanda: What? No... just blah... you know, things are going good... I'm just waiting for them to go better.

Doug: I know how you can get them to go way better.

Amanda: huh?

Doug: Remember that time we lived together?

Amanda: Yeah... that was just for like a week because you had no place to go...

Doug: That was the best week of my life!

Amanda: What's.... going on...

Doug: Amanda... I really like you.... in fact, I'm in love with you!

Amanda: Doug.... this is weird... I love Steroids Man....

Doug: I can treat you so much better than him!

Amanda: Doug, listen. I'm sorry. I don't like you at all in that way.... in fact you kinda scare me.

Doug: Maybe this will change your mind!

Doug goes over and forces a kiss on Amanda and she throws his bottom to the ground.

Amanda: What the smurf was that?!?

Doug: I'm sorry.... I just been going through so much lately... and I always felt this way about you and thought it was now or never.

Amanda: Get the smurf out!

Doug: What?

Amanda: GET OUT OF HERE!!

Doug: But....

Amanda: NOW!!!

Doug: Alright... I'm really sorry...

Doug goes to the door and steps outside leaving the door open.

Doug: Can we still be friends?

Amanda slams the door shut.

Amanda goes on the couch and cries and feels very violated with that forced kiss.

Amanda: I really need someone to console me!

Phil and the robot enter the room.

Phil: Amanda, are you ok?

Robot: WHY ARE YOUR EYES RAINING???

Amanda: I think I'll wait for Steroids Man to come home for my consoling...

~~~~

later, Steroids Man comes home and is informed that Amanda spent the whole day in her room, he goes to check on her.

Steroids Man: You ok baby?

Amanda: Doug forced a kiss on me.

Steroids Man: What?

Amanda: He threw himself at me and... it was weird and scary. I kicked him out.

Steroids Man goes and sits down next to her and consoles her.

Steroids Man: There there baby, everything will be ok.

Amanda: I don't want him back here ever again.

Steroids Man: Don't worry, we'll get a new janitor.

Amanda: Do we even really need one?

Steroids Man: I'm a really dirty person.

Steroids Man points to a trail of mud that he left behind as he's still wearing very muddy cleats inside.

~~~~~~~~~~

Next day... Steroids Man is working with The Manager inside the secret evil warehouse. The machine is looking more assembled. A large metal device that forms a huge metal circle that can be walked through. This is the portal machine that will bring The Manager back to earth.

There is a Mexican guy working on wiring the machine and Drew the zombie is here also watching. The Manager and Steroids Man talk out of earshot of the electrician.

The Manager: This electrician you kidnapped is doing very good work, he's almost done! One step closer for my return to earth!

Steroids Man (monotone): Good for you...

The Manager: Once he's done you have to kill him.

Steroids Man: What? No!

The Manager: Yes, he must be killed!

Steroids Man: But I really don't want to do bad things.

The Manager: This is a good thing, he is a rapist and has no family.

Steroids Man: Are you sure?

The Manager: Yes.

Steroids Man: Fine.

Steroids Man goes over and grabs the Mexican electrician by the hair and slams his head into the concrete floor a couple times until blood spills out all over....

The Manager: He wasn't done yet you idiot! Now we need a new electrician!!!!!!! I smurf hate you so much!

The Manager gets pisses and reaches out his hand and opens up a tiny portal which is draining his energy.

The Manager: Quickly, throw the cigarettes in here, I NEED THEM!!!

Steroids Man throws a carton of smokes into the one way portal which closes and The Manager looks exhausted from all the energy spend and lights a cigarette while sighing a relieved sigh. The Manager then inhales a cigarette in his dimension joyfully.

The Manager: Get the smurf out of here we're done for the day.

Steroids Man leaves happy his shift with The Manager is over. The Manager is getting increasingly stressed out from working with the incompetent Steroids Man, however.

The Manager: I'm going to have lung cancer by the time this damn machine is built and I return to Earth...

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Steroids Man comes home to see the place sparkling clean.

Steroids Man: Wow, what happened?

Amanda: Phil hired a new janitor... you're going to hate him.

Steroids Man: O.... k?

Steroids Man and Amanda sit down on the love seat with Phil and the robot also in the room. And Max the cat is here too!

Loud voice: STEROIDS MAN!!!!!!

This geeky looking skinny guy comes running in the room wearing a self made Steroids Man shirt jumping up and down and full of energy.

Geeky guy: OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG STEROIDS MAN!!!!! I.AM.SO.HAPPY.TO.MEET.YOU.I.AM.YOUR.BIGGEST.FAN!!!!! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Steroids Man: What... the smurf is this....

Amanda: This is Dillon...... and he talks really fast and is obsessed with you.

Dillon: I.followd.you.from.the.beginning.man.you.are.so.awesome.will.you.sign.my.face!!!?!?!?!

Steroids Man: Ok, slow down guy.... it's cool you like me but...

Dillon: LIKEYOU?!?!?! IFUCKINGLOVEYOU!!!! youaresofreakingawesomeOMGyoulikehavenoidea!!!!

Steroids Man (looking nervous): I ... I don't know what you're saying at this point...

Dillon: illyouPLEASEwillyouPLEASEletmehugyouIjustwantonehugjustalittlehugINEEDITSOBAD!!! IdreamaboutyouconstantlyandhaveallyourTVappearancesontapecauseyouaresoawesome!!!! *jumps up and down*

Steroids Man (to Phil): You hired this guy on purpose, didn't you?

Phil: Well I hired him intentionally yes... because he seemed like he was good at cleaning... I didn't know he was crazy.

Dillon is jumping like crazy making the living room shake.

Dillon: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ISTHISREALLYREALORADREAM!?!?!?!?!?!??!

Steroids Man: Sit the smurf down!

Dillon: ANYTHINGFORYOUSTEROIDSMANOMG

Dillon sits down and is sweating from the excitement and drinks a tall glass of water.

Suddenly a mysterious woman enters the room.

Woman: Hey everyone!

Steroids Man: Now what is going on?

The woman is dressed up in a maid's uniform. She's very bulky for a woman and has very unwomanly features and long flowing red hair with a very noticeable Adam's apple. She's also holding a duster.

Woman: I want to be your new maid!

Steroids Man: Hmmm....

Dillon is sitting down and kicking his legs frantically because he's so excited to be this close to Steroids Man.

Phil: We already got a cleaner.

Woman: I am a far better cleaner.

Dillon: No-I'MTHECLEANER!!!

Woman: You can't clean anything, you don't even know how to use a coaster!

Everyone looks at Dillon's glass of water and gasps as it is sitting on the coffee table and leaving a ring. The woman picks up a coaster and throws it at Dillon like a ninja star and it gets him in the throat and he coughs violently and passes out.

Steroids Man and Amanda cheer!

Woman: so I'm hired?

Steroids Man: You better believe it!

They shake hands and Steroids Man notices the handshake is extra gripping and manly.

Steroids Man: Something is wrong here...

Robot: WELCOME BACK DOUG!

There's a very awkward silence....

Everyone looks at this woman and now sees a very obvious resemblance to Doug... turns out Doug used some of the billion dollars from naming Steroids Man in the previous episode to get a tickle fight change. Doug now has real boobs and new skin and comes very close to passing for a woman... kinda.

Steroids Man: Seriously... Doug?

Doug: It's not Doug anymore....

Steroids Man: Who is it?

Doug: From now on you can call me... Dougette!

Amanda: This is horrifying.

Steroids Man: You can't be here man, not after what you did.

Dougette: Steroids Man, if you're talking about the kiss... that was a different person. I've changed now. I have boobs.

Amanda: What you did was really wrong!

Dougette: Yes, it was. I was jealous of Steroids Man... he finally found love... and you guys belong together. I just never had much luck with women... so I thought maybe I would change it up a bit.

Steroids Man: If you wanted to change it up, why didn't you just buy a new leather jacket or something, this is DRASTIC!

Dougette gets on his... I mean hers..... ummm.... Dougette gets down on it's knees and pleads forgiveness.

Dougette: I plead forgiveness!

Amanda: I don't think so...... it's just too weird.

Dougette (Still on knees): PLEASE PLEASE let me back! I'm a girl now so I will never kiss you again. Just consider Doug dead.

Amanda: I really don't think so.

Dougette: I'll do anything, I'll let you kick me in the face!

Amanda: Really?

Dougette: Yeah, kick me in the face!

Amanda stands up and faces Dougette and gets ready to kick, Dougette is still on her knees.

Dougette: Oh shazam! she's really going to do it!

Amanda hauls off and kicks Dougette in the face and she falls over in pain.

Steroids Man: Oh shazam!, she really did it!!!

Robot: THIS IS AWESOME!

Amanda looks at Dougette writhing in pain and realizes she gone too far.

Amanda: Oh shazam!, I'm so sorry.

Amanda helps Dougette up.

Amanda: I'm so sorry, that was too far, I don't know what came over me!

Dougette: So we're cool now?

Amanda: Yes..... you can work here again.

Dougette: And we can hang out and do womany things together... and you can teach me how to be a woman?

Amanda: One step at a time....

~~~

Dougette gets back to work and his first order of business is to get rid of that Dillon guy... by hurling him off a cliff and then dusts off her hands and files her nails.

~~~~

Steroids Man and Amanda are in bed.

Steroids Man: That was so cool when you kicked Doug.

Amanda: Yeah.... I feel like I really lost control of myself... I had like a rage attack or something.

Steroids Man: I think you may be more like me than you realize.

Amanda: Maybe you're right...

They snuggle up and go to sleep

~~~~~~~~~

The next day Steroids Man is getting ready again to work for The Manager.

Amanda: Be careful, and have a good day!

Steroids Man: Sure will .... say, you don't know any electricians do you?

Amanda: Yeah, I know a guy who helped me out with my old home.

Steroids Man: Do you like him?

Amanda: Yeah, he's pretty cool.

Steroids Man: Alright... I'll keep looking.

Amanda: Huh?

Steroids Man: Have a good day.

Steroids Man leaves and Dougette enters the room.

Dougette: Hey Amanda....

Amanda: Hey... you...

Dougette: I need your help.

Amanda: Really?

Dougette: Will you go shopping with me? We can have a girls day and you can help me know what feminine products to buy.

Amanda: I.... suppose so...

~~~~

At the mall...

Dougette has a bunch of shopping bags.

Dougette: Thanks for your help, I can't wait to start using this stuff... in fact!

Dougette pulls out some lipstick and just rubs it all over her face and it looks very messed up... a red misshapen circle all around her mouth and face.

Dougette: Do I look pretty?

Amanda: Umm.... that's not how you use lipstick... you look like a clown...

Dougette: You know Amanda, I'm really enjoying my time together with you.

Amanda: Well... that makes one of us.

Dougette: I still really like you ... so much. That's why I got a tickle fight change you know, so I could hang out with you more.

Amanda: Doug...

Dougette: Dougette.

Amanda: This has to stop.... you have to get a boyfriend or someone else because your obsession with me is weird and makes me want to punch you in the face.

Dougette drops her shopping bags and cries loudly.

Dougette: You hurt my feelings!!! And my feelings hurt so much easier now since I'm a woman!

Dougette runs away crying in high heels and one of her heels gives out and she falls into a bench.... she gets up and runs again but the other heel busts an she falls into a giant gumball machine, tipping it over and shattering he glass while kids come from all over to steal the gumballs.

~~~~

Steroids Man and Amanda are hanging out on the couch after Steroids Man got home.

Amanda: How was your day?

Steroids Man: Very tragic....

Amanda: Are you almost done what ever it is you do all the time so we can hang out more and focus on the wedding?

Steroids Man: Almost........

Dougette enters the room with a big muscular man and they sit on the couch.

Amanda: Hey there.... you made a friend?

Dougette: Hank is more then a friend, he's my BOYFRIEND.

Hank: My name is Warren...

Amanda: Well that's good...

Dougette: Better than good for me, AWESOME for me! Check this out!

Dougette and Warren kiss passionately.

Dougette (to Amanda): Jealous?

Amanda: No.

Amanda and Steroids Man kiss even more passionately. Dougette makes out more with Warren and Steroids Man and Amanda keep raising the bar to out-do each other until....

Steroids Man (To Warren): You're making out with a guy.

Warren suddenly stops kissing Dougette and spits out violently.

Warren: What?

Dougette: I'm not a guy anymore, I had a tickle fight change!

Warren: What the.... ok... well maybe this isn't so horrible.... when was your tickle fight change?

Dougette: Yesterday morning.

Warren pukes all over the couch and floor and runs out screaming.

Steroids Man looks at Dougette and the messy living room.

Steroids Man: You should probably clean that up...

Dougette gives Steroids Man and Amanda a very nasty look.

~~~THE END???

[Wesley]

For some reason, I could really see this episode with live actors instead of animated ones.

Also, you got then/than right!

Not just for that reason, but you are getting better at writing this stuff, man!

[Clarence]

Awesome man! Thanks so much for reading and commenting!

What do you think od Doug's yet another character change?

[Clarence]

Thanks for the compliment too

[Wesley]

Does Dougette still have the robot legs, or did he/she pay for a transplant or some high tech prosthetic?

Also, I wonder how long it will last...

Also, I sometimes miss Motorcycle Doug with the Blueberry Pie. That was awesome.

[Clarence]

lol, this seems like a perminant change. Also yes, still robot legs, that comes to play in another episode.