Chapter 145 --> The Jarkonians

[Clarence]

13 years later ..... or 20 years since landing on Cokima.

It's the year 2034.

We show the planet Cokima as viewed from space .... a large alien ship approaches and comes to a stop ..... we show a small piece of the larger ship detach and begin moving toward the planet ......

The small alien craft that separated from the mother ship travels down to Cokima. We show it land behind a large rock and in the distance, the small village that Steve and Amanda built....

Zoom into the space craft ... about the size of a bus. A door opens upwards like a DeLorean car and steam and smoke exit the craft as a strange noise is heard.

3 mysterious alien figures exit through the smoke and make their way to where Steve, Amanda, David, Samantha and Max live....

Meanwhile, Steve and family celebrate outside.

Steve, Amanda, Samantha and David all wear birthday hats they made.

Amanda: Happy birthday David!

Steve: Now blow out the candles.

David prepares to blow out the 20 candles and takes a deep breath. David then exhales a wimpy gust of air that only succeeds in blowing out 2 candles....

David is hunched down and struggling for breath.

David: Did .... *gasp* ... did I do it?

Everyone else looks on disappointed.

David: So... tired.

Steve: There, there David .... you tried ..... want to take over Samantha?

Samantha reaches over the table they made and blows out the candles effortlessly.

Steve: There's my little champion.

Steve quickly looks over at the son he always wanted ... but didn't expect to be such a wuss.

Steve: You're a champion too, David.

David: I feel light headed from blowing so hard .... my lungs are exhausted and I need a nap.

Steve: Stop.

Suddenly big fluffy and naked orange Max comes by and is enormous! Max comes in on all fours with an alien fish in his mouth. He is now so big and very different! The planet's atmosphere and plant life has evolved him over 20 years...

Max stands up on his hind legs but the fur covers .... things. Max then places the fish on the table.

Max: Hey guys, more fish for the birthday supper tonight. Happy Birthday again David!

David: Thanks Max.

Max bends down and David pats him while Max has a huge smile.

Steve looks around at everyone and is very happy for their alien planet ... but then begins to think about a topic that's been bothering him .... the future....

Steve: Kids ... I think the time has come for a very awkward conversation .......

David: Oh?

Steve: Yeah.... we need more people .... and since my penis is snipped, and your Mother's womb has expired .... there's only one way we can continue to populate this planet......

Samantha and David look each other confused and then back at Steve confused.

Steve: You see .... the only way we can continue on is if you guys .... WHAT THE smurf IS THAT????

Steve, the wife and kids and Max all look over at the 3 mysterious aliens standing RIGHT next to the outside table....

Head Alien: Oh shazam! .... they spotted us....

The three aliens look like large purple monsters, each with one large horn on their heads and wearing black space trench coats.

...awkward silence.

Head Alien: Ummmm.

Steve: They're demons!!! Kill them!!!!

Steve throws on his Mighty Man ring and swings into action! Samantha joins in too with her impressive fighting skills! Amanda runs to get the ray gun they acquired from Ultra Man's encounter 13 years ago ....

David and Max .... run and hide behind a building holding each other and crying.

Steve quickly punches down one of the aliens and Samantha kicks down the other two!

Amanda comes running over and aims the ray gun at the beat up aliens.

Steve: Wow... these guys kinda suck.

~~~

Cut to inside one of Steve's buildings ... the 3 aliens begin to awaken while inside. The three of them are all tired up back to back to back against a post in the middle of the room while our heroes look down at them.

Head Alien: Owwww.....

Alien #2: It hurts!

Alien #3: I'm so sore..... where are we?

Steve and our heroes look at each other surprised.

Amanda: Wow.... these guys REALLY suck....

Head Alien: Hey!

Steve: Who are you guys anyway? Demons?

Head Alien: No!

Steve: You look like demons!

Head Alien: We are the Jarkonians ... last of a once great alien race.....

Alien #3: Who are you?

Steve: Hmmm .... we're humans ... we got stranded on this planet 20 years ago....

Head Alien: If you untie us and help us ... we can get you all home!

Steve: You can get us home?

Head Alien: Yes ... but we need your help....

Amanda: Should we trust them?

Samantha: Would we want to go home?

David: Yeah, this is where we grew up.

Max: I like it here too!

Steve: There's no future here ....

Steve looks at the kids.

Steve: We need to get you back to our home planet so you guys can do people and live on ...

Amanda (To aliens): Ok ... first thing is first, let's all get to know each other better.

Amanda and the gang introduce themselves.

Head Alien: You guys would never be able to pronounce our alien names....

Steve: Try us.

Head Alien: Ok ... I'm yIfBAMvZbFBd ..... to my right is our mechanic and his name is fFUWlmK03Yq9 .... and the third guy is 7AEff35lRoP2.

Steve: .... those aren't names ... those are just random letters and numbers.

yIfBAMvZbFBd: Hey!!!! My Mom named me lower case y, upper case i, lower case f, upper case b, upper case a, upper case m, lower case v, upper case z, lower case b, upper case F, upper case B and lower case d and I'm damn proud of it!!

Samantha: I have a question ... how are we all speaking the same language?

fFUWlmK03Yq9: It's thanks to the universal translator devices ... it's sewn into our underwears and allows us to communicate freely with other species....

David: Universal Translator? That's lame.

yIfBAMvZbFBd: I'm all cramped up from being tied up so hard.

Amanda: ... we didn't tie you guys up overly hard...

7AEff35lRoP2: My back hurts...

Samantha: Awww.... guys can we untie them now? I feel bad for them.

Steve: Sure ... these guys are less threatening than David....

David: Hey!

~~~~

Everyone is outside now after untying the aliens. The aliens all look sore and are feeling their wrists.

7AEff35lRoP2: My little wristie!!

yIfBAMvZbFBd: I can't feel my circulation!

Steve: ... I really hate these guys.

Amanda: So you guys said you would get us home???

yIfBAMvZbFBd: Yes but first off ... we detected something in this area that we need!

Steve: What?

yIfBAMvZbFBd: A ring.

Steve: You mean this one?

Steve pulls out his Mighty Man ring and shows the aliens from a distance.

7AEff35lRoP2: That's it! The last ring!

Amanda: Ok now, just what's going on? Why do you want this ring?

yIfBAMvZbFBd: It's the last of 5 rings we need ... we retrieved the other 4 from wreckage on that moon up there.

fFUWlmK03Yq9: We can use it to restore our home-world!

Steve and Amanda think back to the story they overheard when first brought to Cokima.

Amanda: Are you from the alien race that destroyed Ultra Man's planet?

7AEff35lRoP2: Hmmmmm?

Steve: The people we got this ring from ... they took us here before they crashed on the moon .... they said their planet was destroyed by an enemy race.

(Also Cokima's magical powers which evolved Max, have made Steve's memory cells function)

7AEff35lRoP2: Did any of them survive???

Steve: No they all died ....

7AEff35lRoP2: Are you sure?

Steve: Yes, they mostly died in the crash except Ultra Man ... we killed him later.

Amanda: So what's the story???

yIfBAMvZbFBd: Here's what happened .... our planet of Jarkonia was at a cold war with Ultropolis.

fFUWlmK03Yq9: Yes, we each had planet destroying doomsday weapons on our home worlds that neither of us dared fire ...

yIfBAMvZbFBd: But we agreed to fight with space ships.... and we won. After we blew up nearly all of their ships, they got desperate and fired on our planet and we fired back.

fFUWlmK03Yq9: We each destroyed the other's planet ... but some of each race survived in a few space ships...

7AEff35lRoP2: Then we heard of the magical rings that were sent away and learned about them through documents we found in the space debris ... I developed technology to track them. It took DECADES but we finally made it here.

yIfBAMvZbFBd: The 4 rings that we recovered on the moon are back on the mother ship. We need your 5th ring and if the legend is true ... we can gain the power to do ANYTHING!

fFUWlmK03Yq9: We want to restore our home-world and undo all the damage.

yIfBAMvZbFBd: We're a very friendly and noble race ... if we can fix the damage with the power of the 5 rings ... we will destroy them so they never fall into evil hands!

7AEff35lRoP2: Will you help us?

Amanda (whispering to Steve): Should we trust these guys with that power?

Steve (whispering back): Look at them ... they are really pathetic and pathetic people are never a threat.

Steve looks over at the kids and Max. Steve loves this planet they lived on but wants to be back home to ensure the kids have a future that doesn't involve them doing each other to populate future generations....

Steve (to aliens): Let's do this.

yIfBAMvZbFBd: Thank you so much! Come with us to the shuttle!

The 8 of them all go wandering around the woods for a while.

fFUWlmK03Yq9: Where did we park???

yIfBAMvZbFBd: I don't know, you drove!

Steve: *sigh* ... can't you just beam us to the mother ship??

yIfBAMvZbFBd: We don't have the technology!

Steve: LAME!!!

They finally find the small parked ship later and all gather around the entrance for a while...

fFUWlmK03Yq9: Hmmmmm....

fFUWlmK03Yq9 is fumbling around in his many pockets.

fFUWlmK03Yq9: I know my keys are here somewhere.....

Finally, fFUWlmK03Yq9 retrieves them!

Samantha: Finally!

fFUWlmK03Yq9 pulls out a HUGE ring of keys and begins to shuffle through them.

fFUWlmK03Yq9: Hmmmm ... now which one?

Max: Oh come on!!

fFUWlmK03Yq9: Got it!

fFUWlmK03Yq9 unlocks the door and the hatch swings open..... smoke and steam flow out and entrance everyone.

fFUWlmK03Yq9: Sorry for the smoke guys.... this ship is needin repairs but still flies.

The aliens get on the ship as do Steve and our heroes. Steve, Amanda, David, Samantha and Max all get on one at a time and say a farewell to the planet. They all lift off and the small ship attaches to the mother ship in space.

~~~

Everyone wanders around the ship for what seems like hours.

David: Where are we going already? My feet hurt from walking!

The aliens look really confused ... everyone else is frustrated.

yIfBAMvZbFBd: Sorry guys ... it's confusing in this large space ship ... but the room with the rings is around here somewhere.

Steve: COME ON!!!!

~~~

Finally everyone finds themselves in a room of the alien ship with a small space table in the middle. On this space table is the 4 rings recovered from the moon wreckage. The aliens are to the left and Steve and family + cat is to the right.

yIfBAMvZbFBd: Ok, let's do this. Steve?

Steve: Yeah?

yIfBAMvZbFBd: Just place your ring here with the others. I'll put them on my hand and restore our people using the powers. Then I'll use the ring's own powers to wish the rings themselves destroyed so no evil force gets them! After that we'll take you home.

Steve: Ok ... but no funny business!

yIfBAMvZbFBd: Of course not! We just want to bring our planet and people back and end this nightmare! Trust me!

Steve cautiously places the ring on the table.

yIfBAMvZbFBd: Ok ... here we go....

7AEff35lRoP2: Indeed.

The alien named 7AEff35lRoP2 suddenly draws a space gun and shoots at the other two! yIfBAMvZbFBd and fFUWlmK03Yq9 are killed by the lasers!!!!

Steve: What the hell!!?!?!!?!

7AEff35lRoP2 goes up to the table with the 5 rings and continues to aim the space gun at Steve and friends as they all back up.

Steve: What's the story man!? We trusted you!!!!

7AEff35lRoP2 laughs a great evil laugh and begins to unzip himself well still aiming his space gun at everyone.

David: WHAT'S HAPPENING?!?!

7AEff35lRoP2 removes what was only a costume. Under the costume is a sweaty old man who looks like Ultra Evil Man ... only with gray hair and a goatee.

Steve: Ultra Man???? It can't be!

Gun holder: No ... I'm not Ultra Man ... I'm his dad!

Amanda: What?

Ultra Man's Dad: smurf ... it's sweaty in that costume! But it feels so GOOD to have it off!!

Samantha: I'm confused!!!

Ultra Man's Dad: You see ... many decades ago after I sent my children away with the magical rings, I managed to escape our exploding planet too! I befriended some surviving Jarkonians ..... After killing one of them and stealing their skin, I wore it as a costume for over 40 years to help them lead me to these rings!

Amanda: .... you wore a costume of a dead alien for over 40 years ...?

Ultra Man's Dad: I was the king of a planet ... but I was also a great method actor! I pulled it off easily!

Steve: This is smurf.

Everyone is freaking out and David is crying ....

Max: I'm so scared!!!

Max freaks out and pukes all over the place!

Steve: WHAT THE smurf, CAT!!!!

Ultra Man's Dad: Anyway ... I have been waiting for this day ... the day the rings are finally united and charged up enough for me to use them and take over the UNIVERSE!

Steve: Not if I can help it!

Ultra Man's Dad aims the gun more seriously at everyone.

Ultra Man's Dad: That's just it! You can't! Nothing is going to stop me from putting on these rings!

Ultra Man's Dad looks down at the 5 rings on the table and realizes he's really stupid. It's going to be tricky to put all 5 rings on while keeping a gun aimed at 5 humans and cat man.

Ultra Man's Dad: But first ..... back on that planet you guys mentioned that you killed my son Ultra Man?

Steve: Damn right!

Ultra Man's Dad: Well now you're going to learn what it feels like to lose a son!!!

Ultra Man's Dad aims his gun at David and fires! The laser rips through David's chest and goes right through him!

Amanda: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Samantha: DAVID!!!!!!!

Max: OH no.... I'm going to puke again!!!

Steve goes over as David dies in his arms ....

David: Daddy .... I love........ *dies*

Steve: *cries* ... what???? You love what?!?!?!?! FISHING?!?!?!? WE'RE YOU GOING TO SAY FISHING!?!??!?!?! TELL ME!!!!!

Steve and everyone cries as Steve closes David's eyes and sets him down. Steve looks down at the corpse.

Steve: ...happy birthday....

Ultra Man's Dad: And now for your furry friend!

Ultra Man's Dad kills Max with the space gun!

Steve: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Ultra Man's Dad: And your daughter!!!!!

Ultra Man's Dad also kills Samantha with the ray gun!!!

Steve and Amanda are shocked in horror!

Amanda: It can't end like this!!!!!

Ultra Man's Dad: Yes it can!!!

Ultra Man's Dad kills Amanda as well with a laser beam blast and her head explodes!!!

Steve looks around at his dead family .... heart broken and devastated!

Steve: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ultra Man's Dad: I wanted you to be the last one to die so you could see your loved ones get murdered! And now, for YOU!

Ultra Man's Dad pulls the trigger .....

*click*

.... awkward silence.

Ultra Man's Dad: Ummmmmm...... let's try that one again.

*click*

Steve: Huh?

Ultra Man's Dad looks closely at the side of the gun and the LCD screen.

LCD Screen: Low batteries ... recharge.

Ultra Man's Dad: Son of a jabberwocky....

Ultra Man's Dad and Steve lock eyes .... they both look down at the 5 rings on the space table and then back at each other.

Ultra Man's Dad: I guess we know what we have to do now.

Steve: Damn right!

Ultra Man's Dad: Ok, let's do this shazam!!

Steve: Bring it!

The epic battle for ultimate power begins!!!

Steve and Ultra Man's Dad run to the table and each kneel down on opposite sides. They begin to each grab at the rings while kneeling down on the table and swatting each other's hands.

As they each get a ring or two on, the other one grabs them off and puts them on.

Ultra Man's Dad: Come on!

Steve: Damn it!

Ultra Man's Dad: Give me that one!

Steve: This one's mine!

Rings keep exchanging hands until finally, hours later after a tiring duel, all five rings are on one hand!!

Ultra Man's Dad looks at the hand with all rings on it.

Ultra Man's Dad: I did it!

Steve: .... that's my hand.

Ultra Man's Dad: Oh ..... poo

Steve uses his hand with the five magical rings to punch Ultra Man's Dad in the FACE and he dies instantly!

Steve stands up and looks at his hand and feels the combined power of the 5 rings.

Steve: Ok ... it's all up to me ... let's see if this works....

Steve stretches out his hand with the 5 rings and aims it at his dead family .... a light glows around them and they all heal up and rise!

The resurrected family all look at themselves and each other confused while retaining the memory of just being killed.

Amanda: What ... happened.

Steve: Look! I got all the rings and killed that guy!

Samantha: You brought us all back to life!

Everyone hugs and shares in this happy moment, it's a miracle!

Max: I have a lot of cleaning to do!

Max begins to lick himself all over.

Steve: Ewww...

Amanda: So now what?

Steve: Well ... apparently I can do anything I can think of...

Steve closes his eyes and remembers his brother Dave .... suddenly he opens his eyes and Dave is in the room! He's wearing his Weed Man costume and restored to the point of himself before running out of weed!

Weed Man: Whoa .... what happened?

Steve: I killed you.

Weed Man: Bummer.

Steve: But I brought you back to life just now!

Weed Man: Sweet!

Steve: Yeah, I got all 5 rings so I can wish for anything!

Weed Man: Oh man, give me some SPACE WEED!

Steve: Ok.

Steve concentrates and aims his hand at Weed Man and suddenly a large duffel bag full of space bud is around Weed Man's shoulder.

Weed Man: Right on! Hey who are the other guys?

Steve: This is our children ... your niece and nephew - Samantha and David.

Weed Man: Nice! Named after me!

Steve: Yup.

Weed Man already has a space weed joint rolled.

Weed Man: What's with the cat guy?

Max: I'm Max ... I used to sit on your lap and you blew weed smoke in my face.

Weed Man is paused while about to light his joint with his robot hand.

Weed Man: I'm tripped out man! And I haven't even lit this shazam! yet!

Samantha: So now what Daddy?

Steve: I suppose I bring those good aliens back....

And with that yIfBAMvZbFBd and fFUWlmK03Yq9 are restored!

yIfBAMvZbFBd: .... what happened?

Steve: Ultra Man's Dad was wearing one of you guys as a suit and then killed you!

yIfBAMvZbFBd: What the smurf!?!?!

fFUWlmK03Yq9: You got all the rings!

Steve: Yes ... now what?

yIfBAMvZbFBd: Our planet. Please fix it!

Steve: But I don't know your planet....

yIfBAMvZbFBd: Just want it and the rings will do the rest!

Steve focuses and his rings glow ..... then dim.

Steve: Did I do it?

yIfBAMvZbFBd: I dunno....

Steve: ....

yIfBAMvZbFBd: You're going to have to wish us there!

Steve: Son of a jabberwocky you guys are needy!

Steve uses his powers to teleport the mother ship to a large planet!

yIfBAMvZbFBd and fFUWlmK03Yq9 look out the window and red liquid spray all over from their mouths and splatter on the walls.

David: WHAT IS HAPPENING!?!?!!

fFUWlmK03Yq9: We're crying joyfully!!!

Steve: Son of a jabberwocky, are we done here?

yIfBAMvZbFBd: You must destroy the rings to ensure they aren't used for evil!

Steve: How do I do that????

yIfBAMvZbFBd: Again, just want it to happen and it will.

Steve focuses hard and the rings on his hand go poof.

Steve: There... is this shazam! finally over?

fFUWlmK03Yq9: Let me confirm.

fFUWlmK03Yq9 checks a huge super-computer that scans the universe for the ring's unique energy signal.

fFUWlmK03Yq9: Nothing is found .... it is finally over!

Amanda: Good. Can you take us home now?

yIfBAMvZbFBd: Where do you live?

Steve: Earth.

yIfBAMvZbFBd: Earth???! That shazam! planet?

Amanda: Hey now, what's wrong with Earth?

yIfBAMvZbFBd: It sucks! You guys abused the crap out of that planet!

fFUWlmK03Yq9: Haven't you ever wondered why no aliens ever tried to visit you guys?

yIfBAMvZbFBd: Well I heard the space worms of Melgog 4 were going to start an invasion of Earth but then cancelled when they learned how dumpy it is.

fFUWlmK03Yq9: You were better off on the planet you're on, even if it has terrible weather and earthquakes and etc!

Steve: Just take us home please.

yIfBAMvZbFBd: Ok fFUWlmK03Yq9, we owe them one, let's do it! Maximum speed!

Steve: Thank goodness, how long til we arrive?

fFUWlmK03Yq9: At maximum speed ... two weeks.

Steve: WE HAVE TO SPEND TWO WEEKS ON THIS SHIP WITH YOU DICKS!?!

Samantha: ....you should have used the rings to get us there....

fFUWlmK03Yq9: Hey now, 2 weeks between the distance of our planets is an exuberant speed you guys can't even comprehend!!!!

Steve: First thing I'm doing is hittin up the liquor store when we get back!

Show the alien mother-ship zoom through space as they keep their promise and head to Earth!

Steve, Amanda, David, Samantha, Max and Weed Man all hang out and take it easy after a crazy adventure. Now that things have settled town... it gives Steve a chance to think of something....

Steve: Oh shazam!.... I forgot .... it's 20 years later .... shazam!'s gonna be different.