Chapter 114 --> Steve Mann

[Clarence]

A crowd of people are gathered at the park and are facing a podium on a stage. Everyone is waiting for Steroids Man to make some kind of major announcement. This is a HUGE crowd of people. Throughout the years, people have actually gained respect for Steroids Man, after all, he did manage to save the world a few times. Everyone is wondering what his announcement is going to be about.

Suddenly a car pulls up behind the crowd and comes to an abrupt stop. Steroids Man gets out of the vehicle after parking in 3 handicapped parking spots sideways and gets out eating a pop tart while clearly being in a hurry and already late for his promised announcement.

Steroids Man: Sorry!

Steroids Man jogs from the car leaving the door open and runs to the stage without paying attention. Suddenly a member of the crowd wheels in front of Steroids Man and Steroids Man crashes into him.

Steroids Man: What the hell?

The guy in the wheel chair is texting on his phone and Steroids Man feels his leg that has just smashed into the wheel chair.

Steroids Man: Watch where you're going! You made me hurt my leg!

(Steroids Man has actually quit steroids and become considerably weak)

Wheel Chair Guy: Excuse me?

Steroids Man: I hurt my leg because you were too busy texting to watch where you were going!

Wheel Chair Guy: Oh.. I'm so very sorry, did I hurt your leg?

Steroids Man: Yes you did, it really, really hurts! I might even have a limp now.

Wheel Chair Guy: Oh no... not a limp. That's a shame, what are you going to do?

Steroids Man: I just think.... (cut off by next comment)

Wheel Chair Guy: I CAN'T smurf FEEL MY LEGS!!! EVER!!!

Steroids Man is in shock.

Wheel Chair Guy: SO I COULDN'T REALLY GIVE A smurf IF YOU HURT YOUR LEG BY RUNNING INTO ME! YOU balloon knot!

Everyone in the crowd is just looking on in shock as Steroids Man rubs his leg and finishes his pop tart.

Steroids Man (crums falling out of his mouth): Ok, I better make my announcement!

Steroids Man runs to the stage and addresses the crowd.

Steroids Man: Hello everyone... how are you doing?

There's an awkward silence and a cricket in the background.

Steroids Man: I have very important words that I'm about to make come out of my mouth to all you fine people.

Steroids Man looks around with a tear in his eye.

Steroids Man: After many good years of defending this city and being your hero... the time has come....

Everyone looks on waiting for the rest of the sentence....

Steroids Man: The time has come.... for me to retire! *cry*

Random crowd person: Why?

Steroids Man: I quit steroids. I don't want to beat my wife anymore and this is the only way she will quit crack. I don't want to live in a world where a "man woman" and a robot have a better relationship than I do!

Everyone just stares blankly in shock.

Steroids Man: I want to retire and start a family. From now on I am no longer Steroids Man.

Steroids Man rips the syringe emblem off his shirt.

Steroids Man: I am now just ... Steve Mann.

(From this point on, Steroids Man will be captioned as Steve.)

Random crowd person #2: But who will protect us from evil?

Steve: You don't need me anymore. Don't you see? The real hero is you, all of you, it's been in your hearts the entire time.

Random crowd person #3: What does that even mean?

KABOOM!!!!!

Suddenly the bank in the background explodes and criminals exit wearing some kind of original Iron Man - esque body armor. Cops swerve in and get out and there's a gun fight and one cop gets shot as the criminals flee. The surviving officer goes over to the fallen victim.

Police Chief Jan: No... don't you die on me!

Officer Bill: I knew... *cough* ... I knew I shouldn't have come out of retirement... but I love this job so much... and *cough* and if I can just right one wrong in this world then.... I know I can make the world a better place... one piece at a time.

Police Chief Jan: Stay with me Bill, you have a family!

Officer Bill: Tell them.... *cough* ... I love them very much.

Officer Bill dies in Jan's arms.

Police Chief Jan: WHY!?!?!?!?!!!? Ohhh.... if only a hero could avenge this police officer's death and save the city!

Because the bank is right across the street from the park, all the crowd watched and heard what just happened. They all turn their attention back to the podium to see.... Steroids Man is gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Steve is sitting on a recliner drinking rum and coke smiling.

Phil enters the room.

(Since the last episode, Steve used his wealth to quickly rebuild the mansion in the same spot it was destroyed in. Phil's computer program was destroyed in the fire, but there was a backup inside the robot. Phil is back and being projected as a hologram with technology built in the mansion. Phil can't leave the mansion though... or touch anything...)

Phil: So... how did your retirement announcement go?

Steve: I think it went pretty sweet!

Phil: You know... just because you quit steroids ... doesn't mean you have to stop being a hero.

Steve: I don't have my powers.

Phil: But you are rich, you could be a Batman like hero and use high tech weapons as.... (cut off)

Amanda: Shut up Phil. Steve did his time as hero and saved the world on multiple occasions, now it's time to settle down and have a family.

Steve reaches over and holds Amanda's hand lovingly.

Steve: I can't wait to have a child with you, but we got to get all that cocaine out of your system first.

Amanda frowns.

(To be clear, Steve does want to retire - Amanda wants that too, but isn't forcing him into it. Ok, she does want him to quit steroids but ... he also does want to settle down with her. Maybe it's kind of screwy.)

Phil: Anyway.... I think somebody should protect this town ... and you.

Steve: Protect me? From what?

Phil: What about Metal Face?

Steve: What about him?

Phil: Well... they never did find the body. How can we be sure he's dead?

Steve: A Burning mansion collapsed on him.

Phil: Yes, but there was no remains of any kind.... his metal mask should have at least been found.

Steve: Listen Phil. If there's one thing that I learned throughout the years, is that when a bad-guy seems dead and there's no proof... then he's probably dead and it's best to forget about it.

Phil: No..... no, that's not true at all, in fact I can name many instances of....

Steve: I'm just going to forget about this Metal Face guy and assume he's dead and keep my guard down.

Phil: But....

Steve: I'm trying to celebrate my retirement here and enjoy my Rum and Coke.

Phil: That's another thing, why are you drinking in the daytime?

Steve: Holy crap man, will you go get a life already?

Phil: I had a life... before I died.

Steve: Normal people die and stay dead, not come back as a hologram and constantly annoy me.

Dougette enters the living room wearing a tank-top and shorts. We can see that all her limbs are robotic now and she has also developed Asthma and is using an inhaler.

Steve: Morning Darth Vader.

Dougette: GO smurf YOURSELF!!! YOU KNOW I HATE THAT JOKE!!!

The robot also enters the room.

Robot: BE NICE TO HER! SHE IS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME!

The robot goes over and feels up Dougette's robot parts.

Robot: OH BABY --- I FIND MYSELF GROWING CONSTANTLY MORE ATTRACTED TO YOU.

Dougette: Sometimes I think you just like me more because I have more robotic parts.

Robot: YOUR ROBOTIC PARTS ARE VERY SEXY AND ACTIVATE MY PLEASURE FILES - HOWEVER I FIND YOUR MEATY PARTS EXCITING TOO.

Amanda (to Steve): Why did we let them move back in with us...?

Steve: We didn't, but you forgot to lock the door one night.

Amanda: Oh....

Suddenly there's a pounding on the door!

Dougette: I'll get it.

Dougette opens the door to reveal an angry mob..... some with pitchforks and torches.

Dougette: ... oh crap... is this about the dolphin I stole?

Angry Mob Guy #1: We want to see Steroids Man!

Steve comes to the door half buzzed drinking his rum and coke.

Steve: Hey guys ... what's up?

Angry Mob Guy #2: Crime has gone up A LOT since you retired!! (as he says this he punches out a random guy and steals his wallet)

Steve: I only retired like 20 minutes ago....

Angry Mob Guy #3: We need you to protect this city!!!

Steve: Can't you just hire more cops?

Angry Mob Guy #4: Protect our city or we'll beat the crap out of you!

Angry Mob Guy #5: How dare you close the west side library!

Angry Mob Guy #6 (to angry mob guy #5): You're at the wrong angry mob!!

Steve: Guys, listen to me. I'm done. I'm sorry. All you guys get to have normal lives and have children, why can't I?

Angry Mob Guy #7: I can't have kids.... my penis doesn't work.

Steve: Wow... that .... sucks. But anyway, I feel like I helped this world many times, I want to move on and live a normal life! What do you guys want from me?

Angry Mob Guy #8: A new hero!

Steve: What?

Angry Mob Guy #8: If you don't want to be our hero, then you need to find someone else to replace you!

Steve suddenly looks in deep thought at this concept.

Steve (to angry mob): I'll do it. I'll get you guys a new hero and I promise I won't rest until this is done!

Everyone cheers and Steve drinks to that.

~~~~~~~~

Steve talks to his housemates.

Steve: Are they still out there?

Phil: Yes, they're all waiting for the next hero.

Steve: Do any of you know any heroes?

Dougette: Do you guys consider a mechanic a hero?

Phil: Maybe you should go to the old Council of Heroes building, they probably have files on all sorts of heroes that you could recruit.

Steve: Maybe...

Phil: But you should probably find a good one to permanently replace you. From what I've read up on the Council of Heroes... you don't want any of them. Ultra Man has really lost it since the group disbanded and the rest of them have pretty much retired or lost the will to be a super hero.

Steve: Ok, I'm going to get this done!

Steve leaves the mansion with the angry mob outside and makes his way to his car.

Steve: I'm coming back with a new hero guys!

Everyone cheers!

~~~~

As Steve is driving to the Council of Heroes building, he makes a stop at the blood donor clinic.

Steve: I would like to denote more blood please!

Receptionist: Ummm.... you can't denote blood again yet, it's too soon.

Steve: Come on, I have plenty of blood to give!

Receptionist: I'm sorry, this is policy.

Steve: Listen. I just quit steroids, man. I really miss the feeling of sticking needles in my body. So if you won't take my blood, will you at least jab at me with needles?

The receptionist picks up the phone.

Receptionist: Hello? Police? Please come to the blood donor clinic as fast as possible!

Steve: Come on!

~~~~~~

Steve drives up to the abandoned Council of Heroes building. Nobody has been here since the council disbanded on the day of Steve and Amanda's wedding. The building looks very run down and there's some kind of a creepy vibe here.

Steve gets out and approaches the electronic door.

Steve: Let's see if I still remember the password.

Steve presses the 3 button on the keypad and the door slides open and makes grinding noises and dust flies out. Steve coughs and makes his ways through the dark halls of the abandoned building with a flashlight hearing mice and strange noises.

Steve: Man this place is so creepy! How did it get this run down in only a year?

Steve makes it to the main council meeting room where so many important meetings took place. Steve reflects to some of his moments here as Steroids Man annoying the other council members.

Steve flashes the light around the large table and sees someone sitting in a seat who looks very dirty and unkempt.

Steve: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Ultra Man: Hello Steroids Man.... are you here to try to get back in the Council of Heroes ... because there's no room for YOU!

Steve: What the hell man, what are you doing in here hanging out in this abandoned building in the dark?

Ultra Man: My old Council of Heroes left me... but they were weak... I have a new, much more powerful Council that NOBODY can contend with!!!

(There's nobody else in the room...)

Steve: Ummmm.... where are they?

Ultra Man lights a tiki torch.

Ultra Man: Behold, the new and IMPROVED Council of Heroes, in all their GLORY!

Ultra Man goes around and introduces them all. The following are the new members as spoken by Ultra Man:

Nefarious Ned! (A shopping bag full of nails)

Leopold, the Legendary! (An old boot)

Vince, the Victorious!! (An even older boot)

Catastrophic Cindy! (Half of a cinder block)

Rupert, the Ruthless! (broken glass in a box)

Wrongo, the Wrong-doer!!! (not present)

Ultra Man: Where the hell is WRONGO!?!?!?

Ultra Man looks around and picks up a dirty looking basketball and places it on the table next to the other ummm.... members of the Council.

Ultra Man: That was a close one, Wrongo! (whispering the next part in a creepy voice) you will never leave me

Steve: Dude, you screwy.

Ultra Man: That's it, I'm so SICK SICK SICK of you coming in here and disrupting the Council like this! You have been a thorn in my side for far too long!! I'm going to END you right NOW! Get him, WRONGO!

Ultra Man throws the basketball at Steve's head and it bounces off and rolls away.

Steve: What the hell was that?

Ultra Man: Just the beginning!

Ultra Man raises his ring hand and a glimmer of light reflects off it.

Ultra Man: I'm going to punch you to death with my magic ring!

Ultra Man charges at Steve and slips on the basketball and goes flying through the air. As Ultra Man is in motion, the ring slips off his hand and rolls into the hallway. Ultra Man lands on the ground and is covered in dirt and is now skinny.

Ultra Man: No... my ring of power!

Ultra Man goes out into the hall to find it and Steve shuts the door on him and locks it.

Ultra Man: Hey... it's dark out here and I can't find my ring....

Steve goes through the files in the metal cabinets and takes documents with information on various super heroes.

Steve: Excellent!

Ultra Man: Hello.... I can't find my ring and it's cold over here.

Steve: Wow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Steve pulls up to his mansion with the angry mob outside and gets out of his car with great confidence holding documents.

Steve: Hey everyone, I have a huge list of heroes right here! I'm going to go inside and pick the best one to replace me!

Everyone cheers again.

~~~~~

Steve is sitting down in the living room with all the other housemates, all looking over the documents that Steve provided.

Steve: Wow.... these guys all suck.....

Amanda: Yeah, theses heroes are hilariously bad.

Steve: They're actually consistently worse than the last as I look through them, they must have been filed in that order.

Robot: HEY GUYS, I AM USING MY WIRELESS INTERNET AND HAVE READ UP ON A HERO CALLED "UTILITY MAN" WHO LIVES CLOSE TO HERE.

Phil: No, that's outdated, Steroids Man killed Utility Man when he was evil that time (season 3)

Robot: OH....

Dougette (holding a document): Wow look at this guy.... "Pencil Man" .... he's actually dressed as a giant pencil.

Steve: Why does that seem familiar?

Phil: I just checked my even faster internet connection and did some research... you actually met Pencil Man before (Episode 11), Remember?

Steve: No....

Phil: According to reports you guys fought each other....

Steve: Wait a minute....

Steve chugs a whole beer and focuses really hard and some memories come back to him.

Steve: Yes... I remember... he was trying to kill me because he thought I was a bad-guy... and I thought HE was a bad-guy... but then we figured out we were both good-guys and went our separate ways.

Amanda: Do you think he could take over where you left off, as the hero of this dangerous city?

Steve: I don't think anyone could replace me, but if this gets people to leave me alone....

Steve looks at Dougette and the Robot.

Steve: Bring him to me.

Dougette holds the robot's hand and smiles.

Dougette: Sure thing!

Dougette and the robot begin to make out.

Steve: Oh, hurry up!

~~~~

We see Dougette and the robot knock on the door to a house and some guy opens it.

Guy: Who are you?

Dougette: Are you Pencil Man?

Guy: No.... that's crazy talk..... goodbye.

The guy shuts the door on Dougette and the robot's face.

Dougette: This is the address listed on the file right?

Robot: YES.

Dougette: So.... now what?

*pause

Robot: KNOCK ON THE DOOR AGAIN!

Dougette knocks and knocks but no answer.

Robot: LET ME TRY KNOCKING.

The robot knocks and accidently pushes the door in off the hinges to reveal Pencil Man almost in full costume.... hopping around on one leg trying to get the rest of his super hero pants on.

Pencil Man: Damn it! That other guy left, ok? That guy who answered the door earlier is NOT me! My real identity is NOT Hymen Blackwing!!

Dougette: We don't care!

Pencil Man finishes tying his shoe laces and is now in full costume. Looking like an upright pencil with the lead tip at the top oh his head and an eraser where his bottom is. He looks like a tall upright pencil and his arms have attachments that also shoot regular sized pencils with tremendous force. His pencil shell is actually really durable titanium armor.

Pencil Man: Never fear, Pencil Man is here!

*awkward silence

Pencil Man: So.... what do you want?

Pencil Man looks at the mysterious robot and man/woman with robotic parts that he has never seen before in his life.

Dougette: Come with us.

Pencil Man: Ok.

~~~~

~~~~

We show Pencil Man in a dark room.... waiting on a chair with an empty table and an empty chair next to it.

Pencil Man: Hello? Where am I?

Suddenly Steve enters the room wearing reading glasses and a pen and notepad and sits across from Pencil Man.

Pencil Man: Who are you?

Steve: I'm the artist formerly known as Steroids Man.

Pencil Man: Ohhhh, ok. You're not wearing a mask... and also you're not as muscely as I remember. Wow, have you ever come a long way. I remember when I mistook you for a bad-guy, and then I read up and watched the numerous times you saved the world.

Steve: Shut up about me, we're here to talk about you.

Pencil Man: What about me?

Steve: How is your super hero career going?

Pencil Man: Wow... not so great. My only real arch nemesis is Mechanical Pencil Man and I can never really defeat that guy.... also I'm just really not popular, nobody knows me.... I can't land any BIG super hero gigs and I only have 114 fans on facebook.

Steve: How would you like your super hero stock to sky-rocket?

Pencil Man: would I!

Steve: I'm retired. I want you to replace me and you'll get the Steroids Man seal of approval. Then I can slip into the shadows and live a quiet life with my wife.

Pencil Man: I'll do it!

Steve: Ok, let's just hope you pass the interview section.

Pencil Man: Oh....

Steve: Tell me about your greatest victory, and who was it against?

Pencil Man: Alcohol.

Steve: ....what?

Pencil Man: I used to be a colossal alcoholic, it was BAD. I was out of control and nothing could stop me.

Steve: ...do you still drink now?

Pencil Man puts his hands down on the table and gives Steve a very stern look.

Pencil Man: Absolutely not. I have not drank a drop of any kind of alcohol in over 25 years!

Steve: Well that's good man. How did you overcome the drinking problem?

Pencil Man: One day I put the beer bottle down and I ran. I ran away from my family and friends and never looked back. I have a much better family and friends now.

Steve: Wow.... ok. Ummmm... (reading down his list) ... origins. What is your origin story?

Pencil Man: Not much of one really. Back in my drinking days, remember, 25 years ago, I woke up in a drunken stuper and was inside a pencil costume.... I just modified it and made it bullet proof etc and here I am. I pretty much don't remember my entire life prior to waking up in this costume.

Steve just has a blank look on his face.

Pencil Man: So, do I have the job?

Steve: Sure, whatever. (Takes a drink of whiskey)

~~~~~

The angry mob is still outside the mansion and the door opens to reveal Steve walking out with Pencil Man, his arm around Pencil Man.

Steve: As promised everyone, here is your new hero: Pencil Man!

Pencil Man (throwing his arms up and yelling triumphantly): Yeah!!!!

There's an awkward silence as the angry mob just stands and stares.... we can hear crickets and a tumble weed rolls by...

Angry Mob Guy #22 (breaking the lengthy silence): Can we have someone better?

We see Pencil Man's lip trembling and a tear in his eye.

--We pan out to see this is being watched on a small television set and a dark shadowy figure in a Mechanical Pencil costume watches, we only see the back of him watching the TV.

Mechanical Pencil Man (menacingly): So ... Pencil Man... you've moved up to the big leagues huh? You've just given yourself further to fall!

Mechanical Pencil Man picks up a regular, normal, every day pencil and we zoom in as he snaps it in half while doing an evil laugh in the background.

~~~~

Steve is in bed with Amanda, they are cuddling up together and very happy.

Steve: I'm so glad I found a replacement. It actually feels better to retire leaving the city with someone to take my place.

Amanda: Do you think he will do a good job?

Steve: I don't know... I feel like I should stick with him for a bit, show him the ropes, and then it will just be you and me.

Amanda: ....and Dougette... and the robot.... and Phil?

Steve: We're going to leave all those clowns behind, I want to move away, with just you.

Amanda: Awwww... where do you want to go?

Steve: Far, far away. Like France or something. Or maybe I will buy an island, the possibilities are endless. I know I just want far out of this city, want to have a peaceful retirement and have a son.

Amanda: I want that too. We never got to be alone ever since we got married. I think we need just some us time.

Steve: Sweet. So we'll spend maybe another week or 2 here, I'll train the new superhero and then we can leave!

Amanda: There is one more thing we need to do before we leave!

Steve: What?

Amanda: We need to throw you a glorious retirement party!

Steve: Hmmm?

Amanda: Yeah, a tribute to YOU and all you've done for this city, and for me. It would be a great going out, don't you think?

Steve: I like it!

Amanda: You deserve it, and it will be the best way to go out, people will remember you as a hero always and forever ... my hero.

They kiss passionately and etc~~

~~~

...something extra.

The Robot has set up some kind of amusement park in the ample space behind the mansion, inviting all the housemates and Pencil Man to this. They all enjoy rides and have a great evening and all meet up by the Ferris wheel.

Amanda: Wow.... this is crazy awesome. How did you do this?

Robot: I STOLE MONEY FROM STEROIDS MAN AND ALSO TOOK ONE AMUSEMENT PARK RIDE FROM VARIOUS AMUSEMENT PARKS THROUGHOUT THE COUNTRY.

Steve: What.....

Pencil Man: This amusement park is fun guys! If this is part of being a super hero, then count me in!

Steve: This amusement park is weird.

Steve takes a drink of rum and Coke.

Pencil Man: You sure like to drink, don't ya?

Steve: I'm just trying to transition out of steroids, do you want one? There's plenty of rum.

Pencil: No, I haven't drank in almost 25 years!

Dougette hugs the robot and is very happy.

Dougette: Oh Trent.... this is magical!

Robot: IT'S ABOUT TO BECOME EVEN MORE MAGICAL!

The robot gets down on one knee making robotic noises and takes Dougette's robot hand as Steve, Amanda, Phil (from a laptop) and Pencil Man watch on.

Dougette (nervous and excited): ...what's happening?

Suddenly fireworks start going off in the background and a compartment opens in the robot's hand revealing a tiny box which also opens.

Robot: DOUGETTE - WILL YOU MARRY ME?

Dougette is tearing up and replies.

Dougette: Yes ... yes I will!

The robot stands up and hugs Dougette and they kiss and make out passionately as spectacular fireworks go off behind them.

Steve is in shock.

Amanda (To Steve): Wow..... the robot's proposal was better.

Steve drops his mouth in shock.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




Please comment below! 11 episodes to follow before the Season 9 finale!

[Wesley]

Are you leading us to believe that Pencil Man is Steroids Man's father?!?!

[Clarence]

How did you get that theory?

We do find out about Steroids Man's father this season though, for real reals.


So did you ever think I would have Steroids Man retire and go by his real name (that you gave)

This season is all about Steroids Man passing the torch!

We never see heroes retire and still have the show go on.