Chapter 140 --> City of Boredom

[Clarence]

We cut to inside the mansion, a large dining room table is set for a glorious celebratory feast.

Steve is here, but he looks older. Also here are a boy and a girl who appear to be in their late teens maybe about 20ish in age.

Steve: I can't wait to eat a home cooked meal again!

Amanda comes out and also looks older in appearance and sits at the table which is void of food. Everyone is very tanned.

Amanda: Ummmm.... yeah.... that turkey is going to be a while yet..... I forgot to turn the stove on...

Steve: What???

Amanda: Sorry! I'm not used to stoves anymore, I'm used to just cooking things over a fire!

Steve: That's alright baby.

Amanda: We have plenty of junk food to hold us over.

Amanda brings out bags of chips and other junk.

Amanda: Here Samantha and David, try some of these!

Samantha and David begin to investigate and try the food which seems so foreign to them.

David: Ouch .... these .... (reading the package) Dor...it...os... are burning my mouth! Why would anyone eat these???

Amanda: ....those are only nacho cheese....

Steve: OH MY GOSH I MISSED FUNYUNS!!!!

Everyone looks over to see Steve is covered in Funyon crumbs and is drinking 3 different sodas.

Steve: You have NO IDEA how much I missed Cherry Pepsi!!!

Samantha: Oh Dad..... this food sure is weird. I think I'll hold off until supper!

David: This Coke thing is also burning me! I don't want to eat or drink this stuff it's horrible.

Steve: Can you just once not be a little bitc.....

Amanda: STEVE!!!

Steve: Sorry David ... ya just gotta stop being such a wimp. Drink your Coke and like it!

David: But this food is giving me stomach problems.

Amanda: They never had junk food before Steve, of course it's going to hurt them!

Samantha: I'm fine.

Steve: See? David, why can't you be more like your sister?

David: I think I'm going to vomit.....

Amanda: Hold on, I'll get some Pepto.

David: Pepto?

Steve: You guys have so much to learn.

Amanda comes back and gives David the Pepto. They all sit around the large dining room table for a bit while Steve snacks his face off.

Steve (mumbling): You have no idea how much I missed food!!!

Amanda: Yes.... don't blow 20 years of being in excellent shape by eating everything and getting fat next week, oK?

Steve: I need more Twinkies! And gravy!

Amanda: STOP IT!!!! SAVE ROOM FOR SUPER!!

There's now a sense of boredom going around the table as everyone anxiously awaits this glorious turkey feast.

Samantha: So......

David: We need to do something to pass the time before I pass this horrible food I just ate.

Samantha: It seems so surreal to be here .... as we wait for supper how about you tell us the story about how this all happened?

Steve: Sounds like a good plan. Nothing finalizes an epic adventure other then the re-telling of the adventure after it finally ends and we await a great feast!

Steve looks over and smiles at his two children and wife.

Steve: What a trip it's been. The family finally home, the family of my dreams! I love you all!

Amanda: Awww.

Samantha: We love you too Dad!

David: My bowels hurt.

Steve gives David a dirty look and then smiles again.

Steve: Ok ... so where do we begin?

Amanda (to Samantha and David): It was shortly after your Dad's brother, Weed Man ... who you were named after, David ... saved the town from that demon.

Steve: Yes .... that was epic.

Samantha: Oh! Tell THAT story!

Steve: Another time, let's just start after Dave saved the town ... I don't want to the story to run into supper.....

David and Samantha listen on intently as Steve begins.

Steve: It was a time of peace.......

#Flashback#

Steve narrating: .... after Weed Man saved the town from the demon he cleaned up the streets getting rid of almost all criminals! The town even changed their name to Dave Town .... it ushered in an era of peace and also .... dull times.

~~~

Set shortly after the last episode, Steve and Amanda are on the couch. Amanda is very pregnant and little Samantha is on the floor playing with toys with a soother in her mouth. Weed Man is on the couch in full costume smoking out of an ingenious vapor bong he made that doesn't smoke up the room, like in the movie: "Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay"

Weed Man: Isn't my bong awesome? Now I can smoke up in the mansion with you guys any time and we can hang out more often!

Amanda: Yeah... I'm still not sure how I feel about this....

Steve: So ... fight any good crime today brother?

Weed Man: No ... this town is very boring since I did an amazing job as a super hero.

Steve gives Weed Man a dirty look because he's jealous as hell that Weed Man seems to be doing a far better job than Steroids Man did back in the day.

Weed Man: Let's see..... ummmm today I fought Click Flooring Man....

#Flashback#

Weed Man is on the street in the very clean and restored city smoking two joints and laughing at birds flying by.

Voice: Laughing time is over!!!

Weed Man: Huh?

Click Flooring Man: Laugh THIS off!

Click Flooring Man holds a piece of click flooring in each of his hands and snaps them together making a snapping noise as Weed Man looks on.

Weed Man: Ummmm....

*SMACK*!!! Click Flooring Man hits Weed Man in the FACE with the two pieces of connected flooring!

Weed Man: Did you just ... hit me with click flooring!?

Click Flooring Man: Ummmm.... kind of.

Weed Man: You're under arrest.

Click Flooring Man (looking disappointed): Oh......

#End Flashback and return to everyone on couch#

Weed Man: What else happened .... there was Slippery Man.

#Flashback#

A shirtless, chubby man wearing gray sweat-pants and soaked in oil approaches Weed Man.

Slippery Man (snake like voice): Weed Man!!!! *slither* .....

Weed Man: No.

Weed Man walks way.

#Back to couch#

Weed Man hauls back on his vapor bong ....

Weed Man: What else.... oh! F Man.

#Flashback#

Weed Man is in the park on a park bench with the woman who's basically stopped her life to become a full time weed addict and live with Dave.

Woman: I love you so much Dave!

Weed Man: I love you too ... ummmm..... spacing on the name here....

Woman: My smurf name is.....

Suddenly a man in a purple costume with a large yellow capitol F barges in between them and yells "BLEEP!!!!"

Weed Man: Whoa ... what the smurf was.....

F Man: BLEEP!!!!!!!

Woman: What the hel....

F Man: BLEEP!!!!!!!!

Weed Man: Why are you doing these things?

F Man: It's my duty. I'm a fellow hero like yourself, Weed Man. My job is to sensor all swear words, such as the F word or the H word or the GD word or the two C words or ....

Woman: Ok we get it. Thanks.

F Man: No problem good citizen!

F Man just stands there looking at them.

Weed Man: Anyway .....

They look at F Man who is just awkwardly standing up looking down at them on the bench.

Weed Man: Ummmm...

F Man: Don't mind me, just carry on with your lives as if I wasn't here.

Woman: Anyway ... as I was saying, my name is F....

F Man: BLEEP!!!!!!

Woman: Oh come on! I wasn't going to swear for f....

F Man: BLEEP!!!!!!

Suddenly the woman stands up and throws her hands up in the air and leaves frustrated.

Woman: I'm done!

As the woman walks off, Weed Man and F Man look at each other.

F Man: So.....

Weed Man: Want a hit of this man?

F Man: That's marijuana!

Weed Man: And it's some good s....

F Man: BLEEP!!!!

Weed Man: Just take a toke.

F Man: Well... I normally wouldn't, but if a hero endorses it then....

...later...

F Man is high as a kite with blood-shot eyes in a very relaxed sitting position talking to Weed Man.

F Man: So then I was like, smurf you! Dirty jabberwocky, I pay the rent with I want. Get out of my grill man! What a piece of shazam!, man smurf my landlord!

#End flashback and back to couch#

Amanda and Steve are bored to tears with Weed Man's stories ... even little Samantha feel asleep, as did the cats: Max, Conky and Kiera.

Steve (exasperated yawn): Frig man ... got any more interesting stories?

Weed Man: No... this town is boring now. There's no worthwhile super villains or major crime or anything interesting going on here.

Steve: I'm going to watch the news or something... just to stay awake.

Steve turns on the news to see the top story.

Tv Reporter: Mrs. Daigle's dog ... is missing. If anyone seen it .... call us.

Steve: Oh come on! This is news? This town sucks now!

Tv Reporter: The following people have died .... all in strange random accidents. Here is the list of dead people and which funeral home you can go to look at them.

Amanda: This is the worst reporter ever.

Weed Man: Hmmmm.... (smokes out of bong) .... strange.... there's hardly any crime and no murder now ... but people are still dying.

Steve: Yeah, that's what happens. People die...

Weed Man: I checked with the police ... they say death is still heavy in this town ... with accidental deaths on the rise.

Steve: Well, it'll keep the funeral homes busy. This town has way too many funeral homes ... probably cause it used to be so violent and so many people used to die here.

Weed Man: Wait ... do you think the funeral homes are killing people so they can stay in business?

Weed Man takes an extra large hit off his bong and looks kinda more out of sorts than usual.

Steve: You're way too high and paranoid little buddy.

Weed Man: I'm gonna check this out .... plus there's nothing better to do.

Steve: I hear that ....

Weed Man leaves.

Amanda: So bored .....

Steve: Ummm... wanna play Jenga?

Amanda: ... so it's come to this.

~~~

Cut to a mysterious dark room. Many old people in fancy business suits sit around a large table.

Head guy (raising a wine glass): Gentlemen, our plan is working without a hitch! These murders we have been committing and covering up to look like "accidents" have allowed us all to stay in business in a town which no longer is heavy in death.

Other Funeral Home Owner: Yes! Killing people is awesome!

Funeral Home Owner #3: I'm just glad we can all stay in business and keep our families fed.

Funeral Home Owner #4: Yes! Thank goodness none of us have to close now! We really relied on the high volume of death around here!

Funeral Home Owner's Nephew Jake: Can I pick more people from the phone book to kill now!

Head Guy: Sorry Nephew, we are all booked up right now, but we'll have openings next week!

Weed Man: Ok you guys, you're all under arrest!

Everyone gasps in shock as they look over at Weed Man in the room.

Funeral Home Owner #4: How did you find us!

Weed Man: Well... I just kind of walked in to this funeral home .... you guys didn't even shut the door... and then I just kind of heard everything you guys said.

All the funeral home operators stand up and prepare for a fight.

Head Guy: Get him!

Weed Man: Come on guys, I'm gonna win.

They all attack Weed Man with various funeral home weapons and one by one he knocks them out and they all get arrested.

Weed Man: Awesome! I saved the day again!

Weed Man celebrates by lighting a big joint with his robot hand that has a lighter built in.

~~~~

At the mansion, they all watch the news.

Tv reporter: ... and thanks to Weed Man, all the funeral home owners are in jail. The remaining funeral homes will either be shut down or switch owners. Anyway, this is Kirk McMillan with the news. Next week there will be some new douche-bag sitting in this chairs as I've been fired.

The reporter flips off the screen.

Tv reporter: smurf you Dwayne!

The channel goes off the air.

Amanda: Good job, Dave!

Steve: I can't believe you figured out the funeral home owners were killing people!

Weed Man: It was obvious dude. This super hero business is right easy!

Steve: ... soon I will kill you.

Weed Man: What was that?

~~~~

As the days and weeks go by ... nothing happens ... at all. The city, Dave Town, is boring and moving slower than a man with no arms and legs trying to push a concrete wall up a steep hill in the winter time.

Everyone is out in the sun laying out in the front yard. Amanda is asleep on a lawn chair with Samantha in her arms .... Weed Man is sky-high stoned and Steve is drunk off his bottom.

Steve: Guys ...... I'm dying.

Amanda (sleepy): ....what?

Steve: I'm dying of boredom. I can feel my the life being sucked out of me. *hick* ... and I'm DRUNK!

Weed Man: I don't know how you guys can be bored man .... *tokes* ....

Amanda: What ISN'T boring around here???

Weed Man: Everything around here is awesome, guys! Look at that birds nest over there.....

Everyone looks at this random birds nest in a tree.

Steve: .... what about it.

Weed Man: It's beautiful. Life is just one exciting moment after the next.

Steve: I need your drugs.

Suddenly a skinny and frail man approaches wearing what appears to be very cheap and worn out clothing. He has an Intravenous unit attached to him on wheels. He looks like he's having a hard time standing ... but looks familiar.

Frail Man: I'm finally healthy enough ....

The frail man draws a gun and aims it at Amanda's pregnant belly.

Frail Man: .... healthy enough to kill you!!

Steve sits up exited and taps on Amanda's shoulder.

Steve: Amanda!!! Wake up!! Some old guy is trying to kill us!

Amanda wakes up and is excited.

Amanda: Really? SOMETHING is happening!

Frail Man: What is wrong with you guys?

Weed Man (smoking weed): Look at his gun ... it's right shiny.

Frail Man: Of course it is! I take good care of this gun.... it's the gun I use to kill people with!

Amanda takes a good look at this character and now remembers him.

Amanda: .... wait a minute .... Ultra Man?

Frail Man: Ultra EVIL man to YOU!

Steve: What? That princess sophia who used to be the leader of the council of heroes?

Amanda: You remembered someone!!!

Steve: Yeah, drinking makes my memory work better....(to Ultra Evil Man) I also remember that you died!!!

Ultra Evil Man: Do you now?

Steve: Yeah.

#Flashback to 2 episodes ago, episode 138 - "The One Where Everybody Dies"#

Suddenly and without warning Ultra Evil Man punches Steve in the face FULL FORCE!

Steve: Hey ... that was kind of annoying.

Ultra Evil Man: HOW DID YOU SURVIVE MY ULTRA PUNCH!?!?!

Steve: Ummm.... I've had gentle breezes hurt worse than that... and why are you skinny now?

Ultra Evil Man looks at his ring hand in shock to see his mystical ring is once again missing and the duct taped glove is gone too!

Ultra Evil Man: NOOOOO.... my glove that was protecting my ring ... it must have gotten torn off when I fought those pigeons ... oh no ... all my health problems coming back! I didn't bring my pills!

Steve: Ummmm...

Ultra Evil Man clutches his kidney in pain.

Ultra Evil Man: Oh no .... kidney failure!

Ultra Evil Man collapses on the ground in a field of dead pigeon men and vomits blood and appears to be dead.

Steve: Well that was a freebie.

#Back to present#

Steve: See? You died! *drinks beer*

Ultra Evil Man: But there was more to that story than you realized!

#flash back to previous flashback but hours later#

A crew of cops and etc are collecting the dead bodies from the battle scene. They come across Ultra Evil Man's frail body.

Officer: This guy looks the most dead of all the dead people we've cleaned up today.

Ultra Evil Man (weak voice): I .... I'm not dead ... just my body is failing on me .... my ring..... gone.....

Officer: We better get you to the hospital!

Ultra Evil Man: Yes .... please ... I need new kidneys and other parts..... or my ring back!

Officer: One thing first though, just to be thorough .... on my notepad here do I put you down as good-guy or bad-guy.

Ultra Evil Man: .... good guy.

Officer: Alrighty then. Just wanted to make sure I didn't let a bad-guy go free! But then again, you're far to pathetic to ever have been a bad guy, let alone be a threat to anyone.

#end flashback#

Ultra Evil Man: So anyway, after I escaped the hospital and killed that police officer, I came here ... to get my ring back!

Amanda: Yeah, well we don't have it!

Steve: Yeah we do, it's right in our bedroom in the nightstand by my bed in a little box.

Amanda slaps her head.

Amanda: You idiot, I was lying so he would leave us alone.

Steve: Oh well.... *drinks* ... I was lying too! Even MORE!

Weed Man: No he's not, I seen that ring, he used it to help me defeat that demon guy.

Steve: Son of a jabberwocky Dave, you completely blew our cover just now! 100% you!

Weed Man: You're the one who's throwing my real name all over the place! I'm wearing a mask for a reason!

Amanda: Oh get a clue, the town is named after you for smurf....

F Man: BLEEP!!!!

Weed Man: Hey F Man!

F Man: Hey pal. Got any more weed!

*BANG*!!! Suddenly F Man gets shot down and falls to reveal Ultra Evil Man with a smoking gun.

Ultra Evil Man: And that's what's going to happen to you and your kid over there and your pregnant baby if you don't stop smurf around and give me the ring!

Amanda: I'm pregnant with a baby, my baby isn't pregnant.

Ultra Evil Man (cocking the gun): The ring ,now!

Amanda: It's too hot for this.

Ultra Evil Man: All of you take me to the ring or I'll start shooting you guys!

Steve: Ok, ok, calm down. Let's get this over with.

Ultra Evil Man: All of you together now, stay close so I can shoot you if needed!

Amanda carries Samantha and sticks close to Weed Man and Steve as they all make their way to the mansion door.

Steve: Hold on ... let me just unlock this....

Steve fumbles around with key after key.

Ultra Evil Man: Stop stalling!

Steve: I'm not stalling! I'm drunk!

Steve finally gets the door open and they make their way to the stairs.

Steve: Up these stairs.

Ultra Evil Man: After you guys!

They go up the stairs and Ultra Evil Man follows ... slowly.

Ultra Evil Man: Hold on... I'm coming ... just kind of awkward trying to get this IV up the stairs too.....

Weed Man: Wow... this guy right sucks, huh?

Steve: I miss when the good villains came after us. *drinks*

Eventually they make it to the bedroom. Max is on the bed looking on confused as Steve is by the night-table and Amanda is next to him with Samantha, also Weed Man. Ultra Evil Man keeps a gun locked on Amanda.

Ultra Evil Man: Now ... give me my ring back! I need it! Hurry!

Steve fumbles around in the drawer and turns around.

Steve: *sigh* ... here you go!

Steve tosses the ring at Ultra Evil Man.

Ultra Evil Man examines the ring in his hand.

Steve: Now leave us alone!

Ultra Evil Man: Finally .... reunited with my ring of power! .... wait a minute! This is just a wedding ring!!!!

Amanda looks over to see Steve's wedding band off.

Amanda: Steve!

Steve: It was worth a try!

Ultra Evil Man tosses the ring aside and aims the gun more seriously.

Ultra Evil Man: The real ring!!!! NOW!!!

Steve takes the real magical ring out of the box and it shines in the bedroom.

Ultra Evil Man: Yes ... this is it ... give it here!

Suddenly and without warning, 4 mysterious energy beams illuminate the room!

Steve: What the shazam!?

Weed Man: .... too high!

4 mysterious figures suddenly materialize into the room!

Ultra Evil Man: Could it be?

Everyone looks over at these costumed men that are now in his bedroom. Looking at their colourful worded costumes they see the following:

~ Mighty Man ~ Large and dirty bulky man with a thick brow that looks kind of stupid in a brown costume.
~ Invincible Man ~ Well built man in black and silver suit but looks kind of sad.
~ Omega Man ~ Mysterious shadowy figure in red and black costume.
~ Superb Man ~ Tall, well groomed, confident looking, well built guy in a gold costume smoking space tobacco out of a pipe.

Steve: Ok, there's too many freaks in my bedroom.

Invincible Man sits on the bed and Max comes up on his lap.

Invincible Man: Awww ... look at this little furry creature!

Superb Man: Yeah, that's nice. Is the ring in this room?

Omega Man looks at a futuristic device in his hands.

Omega Man: Ummmm .... this device is confusing ... but that ring is certainly in this room!

Superb Man: Which one of you is Ultra Man?

Ultra Evil Man: I'm Ultra Man!

Superb Man: You? You're tiny and weak looking ....

Mighty Man (dumb sounding): Look .... ring... !

Mighty Man points at the ring in Steve's hand. Superb Man comes over and snatches it away.

Superb Man: Excellent! Are you Ultra Man?

Steve: Ummmm .... before I answer that can you tell me what you would do to me if I was?

Superb Man: Alright, let's just take them all to the ship and figure it out up there.

Amanda: What?

Superb Man presses some buttons on a wrist device and everyone disappears out of the room in a glow of light.

The 4 mysterious men, Amanda, Steve, Weed Man, Samantha and Max are all gone!

Conky and Kiera enter the empty room to see what's going on and look at each other confused.

Conky: Meow?

Kiera: Meow meow?

Conky and Kiera suddenly get into a cat fight and fade out.