Chapter 101 --> Danger tickle fight

[Clarence]

Steroids Man and Amanda are at a super rich and fancy hotel. The night of their honeymoon. The luxurious honeymoon suite. Finally, after such a long time hey are ready to engage in smurf.

Steroids Man and Amanda are feeling each other's naked bodies and making out.

Steroids Man: Did you just say I have the moves like Jagger?

Amanda: No! I said you have the toes like daggers!

Steroids Man: That sounds .... less romantic....

Amanda: It is! Cut your damn razor sharp toe nails, they're slicing me to pieces!

Steroids Man: Sorry!

Steroids Man looks around but finds nothing he can use to trim his lengthy toe nails.

Steroids Man: I can't find anything to use...

Amanda: Please keep looking.

Steroids Man: Only one thing I can do...

Steroids Man sits down on a chair and bites his toe nails off.

*ping *twang *snap -- we see Steroids Man bite his toe nails off one by one and spit them out with super strength against the wall which makes surprisingly loud noises and leaves dents as his super strong keratin toe nails carve holes in the wall.

Amanda: OUCH!!! My Eye!

Steroids Man: Sorry babe!

Amanda is a little disappointed. She took Phil's advise to hold off on tickle fight until the honeymoon and after the long build up... this is what she gets.

Steroids Man: Ok, let's get busy.

5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1.... done

Amanda: It's seriously over already?

Steroids Man: Well I'm sorry! I got way too excited and this has been building up for FOREVER since we decided to stop having tickle fight so what did you expect? He got excited!

Amanda: Can we try to go again then?

Steroids Man: Sure.

They make love a few more brief times and it's less than stellar.

Amanda: Oh....

Steroids Man is disappointed too.

Steroids Man: I'm sorry....

~~~

Meanwhile at the hotel lobby, there are two characters dressed up in red costumes with gold flames. Masked super heroes or villains? Who knows. They are having a strange argument. Thunderbolt and his sidekick Sparky.

Sparky: Come on, you know I'm right!

Thunderbolt: I'm sorry, I just don't remember seeing a vending machine over there.

Sparky: Well let's go take a look!

Thunderbolt: You're so needy.

They go and find the vending machine.

Sparky: See? I told you there was a vending machine here, now you can buy your soda.

Thunderbolt: Well this clearly wasn't here before. Maybe they just put it here. (wrong)

Sparky: Are you serious...... you're going to try and tell me they just magically set up a vending machine here in the past 5 minutes???

Thunderbolt: It's possible.

Sparky: You bastard.

Thunderbolt: Oh, what now?

Sparky: You know damn well that I have never won an argument in my life. Let me have this one... PLEASE.

Thunderbolt stares at Sparky for a bit and then speaks.

Thunderbolt: Nope.

Sparky: I won!!! YOU KNOW IT!!!

Sparky freaks out and flips a table and storms away.

Sparky: I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

Thunderbolt: Oh no! Don't start another fire!!!

~~~~

Amanda and Steroids Man are lying in the comfy hotel bed pondering how their lives are spiraling towards boredom while watching TV. Very crappy honeymoon. Starting to drift off in the very warm heat.

Tv: Another string of smoke detector alarms have taken the city by storm....

Smoke billows into the room.

Steroids Man: There's ... there's .... Amanda look.... gray clouds of something are entering the room.

Amanda: Fire!

Amanda and Steroids Man open the door and look out stark naked to see fire all over the place. They look back in their room to see part of the ceiling collapse on their bed and any clothing material of any kind burns up.

They are trapped in a fire blaze with no escape and nude.

Amanda: What the hell is this?

Steroids Man: I think there's fire everywhere!

Amanda: Why the hell didn't some kind of alarm go off???

[5 months ago ~~

Hotel Clerk (To Hotel Manager): Hey, the fire alarm system isn't working.

Hotel Manager: Better mark that down.

~~Back to present.

Amanda: We're going to die!

Steroids Man: I'm so sorry! This honeymoon just keeps getting worse!

Amanda: I love you Steroids Man!

Steroids Man: I love you too!

Steroids Man and Amanda begin to make hot sweaty passionate love while surrounded by flames. It is the best tickle fight any of them have ever experienced or could have ever imagined.

~~~~

We cut to Steroids Man and Amanda telling this story to Phil in the living-room of the Steroids Mansion.

Steroids Man: And that's when we discovered the best tickle fight of all, danger tickle fight.

Amanda: We have to chase that feeling.

Phil: But.... how did you guys get out of the blaze?

Steroids Man: Do you really need to know every intimate detail of my life, Phil?

The robot enters the room with a mysterious older looking woman with smoke stained clothes and reeks of cigarettes.

The robot: HEY EVERYONE, MEET MY NEW GIRLFRIEND, DIRTY DONNA!

Dirty Donna: Hey everyone.

Dirty Donna's voice is horrifying and she sounds like she smoked a thousand cigarettes today alone.

Steroids Man: Hi...

The robot: WE ARE IN LOVE!

Steroids Man: Why...

The robot: BECAUSE SHE COMPLETES ME!

Dirty Donna: And I finally find a man I can give a blow job too without giving him nicotine poisoning in his mister friendly

Steroids Man: Ok, can you guys get the hell out of here!

The Robot: ONLY IF SHE CAN MOVE IN WITH US!

Steroids Man: Fine, just get away from me!

The robot and Dirty Donna leaves and Amanda is in shock.

Amanda: Really....

Dougette enters the room as this new Dirty Donna leaves. Dougette looks her over.

Dougette: Do you think she's sexier than me?

Amanda: I got to go to work now.

~~~~~~~~

Amanda is at the police station in her police chief office talking to officer Jan.

Jan: So you're married now, that must be fun!

Amanda: Yeah....

Jan: No?

Amanda: It is ... just we still have some people living with us and I was hoping we could live alone together.... like he promised.

Jan: I'm sure you guys will work it out.

~~~~~~~~~~

Outside of Ludicrous Industries, Dougette is sitting on a bench with extreme stilettos doing her nails and eating a burrito.

Suddenly this random cat scratches Dougette and then runs out into traffic and gets run over.

Dougette: What the hell was that? That cat scratch hurt!

Suddenly two guys in lab coats approach Dougette from the building labeled Ludicrous Industries behind her.

It's Captain Ludicrous and his lab assistant Murray.

Captain Ludicrous: Are you ok?

Dougette: No, a random cat scratched me during my very important ME time!

Murray: Looks like the cat is dead.

Captain Ludicrous: Confirm it.

Murray goes over to the flattened roadkill cat and shakes a treat bag.

Murray: Kitty, come get it! Come on. psst kitty!

Murray kicks it a few times and comes back over to Captain Ludicrous.

Murray: Confirmed.

Dougette: What the hell is going on?

Captain Ludicrous: Nothing.

Awkward silence.

Captain Ludicrous: Mint?

Dougette: No thanks.

Dougette leaves.

Murray: Should we have told her about the terrible danger she's in?

Captain Ludicrous: Probably.

Murray: Well let's go get her!

Captain Ludicrous: Yeah.... but she's way the hell over there.

~~~~

Steroids Man and Amanda are shopping for tickle fight toys and stuff and Amanda is still bothered by something. Steroids Man did promise her that after the marriage they could live alone without Phil, a crazy robot and a man woman (Dougette) let alone a severe smoking addict.

Amanda: Steroids Man.... I need to talk to you for a sec.

Steroids Man: Me too.

Amanda: What?

Steroids Man: Remember Dave?

Amanda: Yeah.

Steroids Man: Well remember how he showed up at our wedding?

Amanda: And tried to kill us?

Steroids Man: At first yes, but then he snapped out of it and tried to help us. Me and Dave go a long way back and I miss the guy. I think he just needs serious help.

Amanda: Well it's good that you care for your friend but....

Steroids Man: I want to find him.

Amanda: How are you going to pull that off?

Steroids Man: I don't know, bit I'm going to start looking for him and won't give up until I find him, even if it takes me all season!

Suddenly Dave shows up with his traditional look and baggy clothing.

*thunderous applause*

Steroids Man: Dave!

They hug and there's more applause.

Dave: Man, it's so nice to see ya again. After going to your wedding I realized how much I miss ya!

Steroids Man: Yeah man, you were with me from the beginning. Remember when we lived in that crappy apartment together?

Dave: Yeah, those were good times. I remember those!

As Dave is reminiscing he is displaying some pretty severe jazz hands.

Dave: Anyway man, I know I had some issues in the past... you know ... the whole Maverick thing. But guess what? I'm better now! Maverick is gone!

Steroids Man: Sweet!

Dave: You believe me?

Steroids Man: Of course I do, you don't even have to prove it!

Dave: You rock!

Steroids Man: Move in with us!

Dave: K.

Amanda: What .... just happened ... ???

~~~~

Steroids Man and Amanda come home with some tickle fight toys and to Amanda's shagrin, a new room-mate. They enter the living room which has everyone here; Phil, The Robot, Dirty Donna and Dougette. Don't forget the cats either: Max, Conky and kiera.

Steroids Man: Hey guys, everyone remember Dave?

Phil: The guy who tried to kill us before a couple times?

Steroids Man: Well guess what, he's living here now.

Suddenly Dougette jumps over and is swatting at Dave's shirt.

Dave (shaking for some reason): What are you doing?

Dougette: Sorry... you had a string hanging off your shirt.... for some reason I had to swat at it.

Dave: You are creepy man. Mondo creepy! And you got some dirt on your forehead! It looks delicious whatever it is. Were you sticking your head in some pizza or something?

Dougette: Oh, I know what that is.

Dougette licks the back of his hand and rubs the back of his wet hand on his forehead and then licks his hand again.

Dougette: Yup, pizza with sardines.

Amanda (to Steroids Man): Can we talk in private for a moment Steroids Man?

Steroids Man: Sure.

Steroids Man and Amanda leave and Dave gets to know everyone.

~~~

Amanda drags Steroids Man into the bedroom to talk to him about these people.

Steroids Man: Oh, you're looking for some sexy time?

Amanda: No I....

Steroids Man: You want some more awesome tickle fight like in the hotel?

Amanda: No I.......

Amanda is suddenly extremely horny thinking back to the best tickle fight ever and forgets everything else to become a tickle fight crazed woman.

Amanda: Yes, I want!

Amanda jumps Steroids Man and they smurf the crap out of each other. Everything in the room gets broken and it ends with Steroids Man flopping all over her like a dead fish. Steroids Man wakes her up as she fell asleep.

Steroids Man: How was it honey?

Amanda: That tickle fight sucked.

Steroids Man: I'm sorry.....

Amanda: It's just that hotel tickle fight was so good... how can we get that back?

Steroids Man: It was pretty thrilling. we were in so much danger...

They look into each other's eyes and figure it out at last!

~~~~~

We cut to a car speeding on the highway on the wrong side of the road. We then pan to a cinder block placed on the accelerator. In the back seat of the car is Amanda and Steroids Man having another mind-blowing sexual experience.

~~~~

We cut to Dougette high up in a tree. Phil is down looking up.

Phil: Dougette! Get down from there!

Dougette: I can't! I'm scared!

Phil: Is there anything I can do to persuade you to come down?

Dougette: Tuna.

Phil: What?

Dougette: I need tuna and lots of it!

~~~~~

Steroids Man and Amanda are wearing robes and are in a locked metal room with the robot.

Robot: I DON'T LIKE THIS GUYS! WHY DID YOU PROGRAM ME TO KILL YOU UPON THE MENTION OF A YELLOW CURVED FRUIT AND WITH NO ABORT FUNCTION!?

Steroids Man: Be quiet now.

Steroids Man and Amanda disrobe and begin to make love.

Steroids Man: BANANA!

Robot: KILL MODE ACTIVATED!

The robot approaches Steroids Man and Amanda with weapons activated while they do it and scream with pleasure.

~~~~

Dave is watching cartoons when an urge comes over him.

Dave: Noooo!!!!

Maverick: YES!!!

Dave: Your days are over dude!

Dave takes out a mirror and a straw and a Fun Dip package filled with cocaine and pours it on the mirror and snorts it with a straw.

Dave: YES YES YES!!! Maverick is gone!!!! THERE IS ONLY DAVE!!! And I feel SUPER DUPER AWESOME WOW!!!

Dave looks in the mirror and laughs with blood running down his nose to see a man with a sailor uniform looking back.

~~~~

Steroids Man and Amanda are doing it in a large body of water while choking each other out and wearing meat bathing suits and sharks floating all around.

~~~~

Phil is in his office doing paperwork when Dougette comes in with a mysterious box.

Phil: Hey there..... why are you so dirty?

Dougette: You're not the only genius around here you know! I can invent things too!

Phil: What do you got?

Dougette begins his presentation.

Dougette: Are you tired of your paper being too simple?

Phil: What the .... hell are you talking about?

Dougette: Well I present to you, UNPAPER. It's paper for people who like things a little complicated.

Dougette opens the mystery box and shows the item inside to Phil.

Phil: This is just a log.

Dougette: You're a log!

Phil looks on very confused and annoyed at Dougette's usual antics while Dougette suddenly looks out the window.

Dougette: It's a blue jay!

Dougette busts through the window shattering it.

~~~~~

The robot and Dirty Donna are driving in her car which stinks of smoke and leaves dark cigarette clouds behind it.

Dirty Donna: I love you robot!

Robot: I LOVE YOU TOO!

Suddenly Donna swerves her car into a ditch and jumps out. The robot is shaken and follows.

Robot: WHY DID YOU CRASH YOUR CAR!!!

Dirty Donna: Look how many cigarette butts are in this ditch! I'm saving these for a Christmas present for myself!!!! I'm gonna be smoking that day!

~~~~~~~~~~

Late at night Phil is going for a pee from all the coffee he drank throughout the day when he sees Dave dragging a large ship anchor across the living-room.

Phil: what are you....

Dave: Nothing is going on here man, go back to bed!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Steroids Man and Amanda continue to have tickle fight in dangerous ways like at military bomb testing areas and etc until one day.....

Steroids Man and Amanda are over a cliff, in the nude, each hanging off of separate tree branches extending over the rock-face. It's a straight drop miles down into an abandoned minefield. If either of their branches break there is nothing else to grab.

Steroids Man and Amanda face each other hanging off their own branches with their genitals meeting when suddenly....

*SNAP*

Amanda's branch gives way and she quickly grabs Steroids Man's ankle.

Steroids Man: Amanda!

Amanda is holding on tightly but the extra weight is causing Steroids Man's branch to give way. They look down to see the fallen branch sets off a mine far below the abyss and causes them to vibrate.

Amanda: What have we done!

Steroids Man: I was so close to going off!

Amanda: I think we just killed ourselves!

Steroids Man: Well at least these last few days of tickle fight was super awesome!

The branch breaks and Steroids Man begins to fall with Amanda holding on....







...

Suddenly a black rope of some kind wraps around Steroids Man's wrist and together, Steroids Man and Amanda get pulled back up the mountain. They use their hands to hide their privates and see who their rescuer was.

It's Dougette in a full leather costume she made herself and holding a whip.

Amanda: Dougette?

Steroids Man: YOU saved us?

Amanda: What happened to you?

Dougette: I'm not going to lie to you.... I'm a catwoman.

Dougette runs away on all fours meowing while Steroids Man and Amanda embrace each other and kiss.

Steroids Man: That was too close for me baby, no more danger tickle fight!

Amanda: I agree! We can find safer ways to ignite each other's fire!

~~~~~

Dougette goes around town becoming more like a cat and jumping around and not looking when she crosses the street.

*BAM*

Dougette gets hit by a pink Cadillac.

Dougette stands up and brushes off her wounds and looks disoriented.

Dave: Are you ok?

Dave gets out of the pink Cadillac wearing track pants and a tie dye shirt smoking a huge bong.

Dougette: You hit me!

Dave: Oh man wow! What are the chances?

Dougette looks at her hands and comes to a realization.

Dougette: I lost my powers.

Dave: Damn that sucks right hard ....






Dave: .... wanna get high?



//Please leave comments, many thanks to all who read this!