The Terrorists freak out and try to drive around him but Steroids Man jumps on the side of the van which causes the van to fall to it's side and slide off the road making sparks.
The van is now on it's side and Steroids Man is standing up on the tipped van. Steroids Man rips off the door and reaches down and pulls out one of the terrorists. Steroids Man holds the terrorist up high with one arm and punches him out with his free arm and tosses him on the road. Steroids Man reaches down and grabs another terrorist and picks him up high with one arm and punches with the other and tosses him, then continues this with the remaining terrorists who are trapped in the tipped over van.
Steroids Man jumps in the van and retrieves some plutonium and cheers. suddenly The Manager appears before him.
The Manager: Ok, you got the plutonium, right?
Steroids Man: Yes, want to catch it?
The Manager: NO!!!! NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME!! GET THAT PLUTONIUM TO THE SECRET HIDEOUT... GO STRAIGHT THERE AND PLEASE, PLEASE JUST GET IT THERE WITHOUT DROPPING IT IN A SEWER OR LOSING IT OR TRADING IT FOR BASEBALL CARDS.
Steroids Man: I'm sorry but that guy had some sweet assed baseball cards... I wonder if he has any left?
Suddenly the sky turns black and The Manager projects himself as a 10 story scary demon.
The Manager: ENOUGH!!!! GET THE smurf PLUTONIUM TO WHERE IT NEEDS TO BE OR ELSE!!!!!!!!!
Steroids Man: K.
Steroids Man gets into his vehicle and speeds off to the secret warehouse where The Manager's machine is being built.
~~~~
Steroids Man does some work attaching the plutonium to the machine in the darkened warehouse.... everything is painted black and there's mirrors set up and strange red lights illuminating the room.
Steroids Man: Ok, so we're making progress right? Are we going to be done soon?
The Manager: Soon enough, just a few more things need to be done, you have the list.
Steroids Man gets up after working with some wires and Drew the zombie is right in his face.
Steroids Man: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! What the smurf man, don't sneak up on me like that!
The Manager: Ok we're done for the day.
Steroids Man: When will we be done for good?
The Manager: If you stop smurf up then we should be done and my return to earth could happen late April, early May.
Steroids Man: So.... we could be done by the start of May?
The Manager: We WILL be done by then AT THE EARLIEST if you stop screwing around!
Steroids Man: Awesome, I want to get this done, I want to spend more time with Amanda.
The Manager: Just get the remaining items on the list, including the new item and it will happen.
Steroids Man: Yes the new item... a carton of smokes?
The Manager: Yes... after working with you I feel like I will need to have a cigarette when I come back to your world.
Steroids Man: K....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Steroids Man and Amanda are having a romantic candle light dinner. After Steroids Man knocked over some candles and then put out the fire they talk over their meal.
Steroids Man: Amanda... you're so awesome!
Amanda: You too! It's been so nice getting this time off work and spending more time together.... even if I had to get shot in the legs to get it.
Steroids Man: Are you still excited for the marriage?
Amanda: Yes I am! When are we getting married?
Steroids Man: I got the perfect date, May 27th.
Amanda: My Birthday!
Steroids Man: Yup. And it's the year after I died and you brought me back to life.
Amanda: That was Phil... and a rhino heart.
Steroids Man: But you are the first thing I saw with my new heart.... that and it's a Sunday, and I'll be done working for that demon.
Amanda: Ok, May 27th it is, we got some work to do to prepare for the wedding!
Steroids Man: I'm ready for it.
Amanda: I can't wait to be Mrs. Steroids Man.
Steroids Man: And I can't wait to be Mr. Steroids Man!
Amanda: Steroids Man.... what's your real name?
Steroids Man: I told you before... I don't have a real name... I was found in a car fire.
Amanda: I think you need a real name to marry me... otherwise what is my last name going to be?
Steroids Man: Well I guess my first name is Steroids and my last name is Man then.
Amanda: So, my name is going to be Amanda Man?
Steroids Man: Wow.... that sounds horrible.
Amanda: You need a name!
Steroids Man looks like he's very perplexed.
~~~
Steroids Man goes to the living-room to see Doug sitting on the couch.... at least I think that's Doug.
Steroids Man: Doug?
Doug's whole body is covered in nasty scars and he has female's robotic legs.
Steroids Man: What the smurf are you now?
Doug: MY full body space tattoo is gone.... now I only have my full body scars.... which I think looks better.
Steroids Man: You look like a burn victim, and where did you get those legs???
Phil enters the room.
Phil: I set that up for him. It was from your old tickle fight robot that you used to use when you couldn't get any from Amanda.
Steroids Man: Not Sally!!!
Phil leaves and Steroids Man sits down a safe distance from Doug.
Steroids Man: So..... I need a name.
Doug: You're Steroids Man.
Steroids Man: But I need a people name, so Amanda can take my last name.
Doug: Alright..... I got it!
Steroids Man: Really?
Doug: Yeah, Francis.... Francis Hugandkiss.
Steroids Man: I dunno....
Doug: Frances is an awesome name, Amanda will think you're a sexy French guy.... and with the name Hugandkiss, she'll always be hugging and kissing you!
Steroids Man: You're a genius!
Steroids Man leaves happily while Doug drinks some varnish.
~~~~~~~
Later that day.
Steroids Man comes home and slams the door shut and holds the door closed while breathing heavily and Phil and Amanda on the couch.
Phil: What's wrong?
Steroids Man: The government is after me!!!
Amanda: ....what?
Steroids Man: I went to the government place to change my name.... but because I never had a birth certificate or social insurance number or anything.... I... I never paid taxes before and.... I owe the government like 19 billion dollars!!
Phil: Wow....that sucks.... that's like... maybe almost 5% of your wealth.
Steroids Man: They're not getting my money!
Amanda: We do have an insane amount of money..... as a super hero you have to do the legal thing and pay your back taxes.
Steroids Man: They gave me that money for saving the world... they can't take it back!
Amanda: So.... did you choose a name?
Steroids Man: Check out this name baby.... Francis Hugandkiss.
Amanda: Are you joking?
Steroids Man: no.... I thought it would turn you on.
Amanda: So my name is going to be Amanda Hugandkiss? "A man to hug and kiss" ???
Steroids Man: I ..... I'll be right back.
~~~
Steroids Man busts into Doug's room to see him working on his meth lab.
Steroids Man: DOUG!!!
Doug: AHHHHHHH don't scare me when I'm mixing chemicals!
Steroids Man: You gave me a bogus name balloon knot!
Doug: I gave you a wonderful name, you just don't have any taste.
Steroids Man: Give me a better name or I'm going to drown you in a swamp.
Doug: Why can't you come up with your own damn name?
Steroids Man: Cause I'm very uncreative!
Doug: Ok... I got it!
Steroids Man: Ok, lay it on me!
Doug: Michael.... cause she'll think of Michael Jackson and get horny when she remembers his music.... and your last name can be Hunt.... she'll think of a hunter and also be turned on.
Steroids Man: Michael Hunt, got it!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Steroids Man snuggles with Amanda in bed.
Steroids Man: Guess what baby, I got my name changed again today!
Amanda (excited): Ohhhh what is it?
Steroids Man: Michael Hunt.
Amanda: ... so... you're Mike Hunt now?
Steroids Man: .... .... Mike Hu... Son of a jabberwocky!
Amanda: How about I pick your name?
Steroids Man: Ok.
Amanda: Well your strong... so your last name could be Armstrong.... and for a first name... I dunno.... how about Trent... that sounds cool.
Steroids Man: Trent Armstrong? .... I like it!
~~
The next morning Steroids Man goes to confront Doug.
Steroids Man: Real nice, you got me again.
Doug: What are you talking about?
Steroids Man: I'm on to you, "Mike Hunt"??? Come on.
Doug: It's not my fault you fell for that oldie. Mike Hunt is tired 'n overused......
Steroids Man: Well I'm going to head out to change my name to Trent Armstrong.
Doug: That name sucks.
Steroids Man: smurf you.
~~~
Steroids Man goes to leave and sees Phil and the robot on the couch.
Phil: Heading out?
Steroids Man: Yup, I'm going to change my name again.
Phil: Awesome, speaking of names, the robot finally selected a name for himself as well!
Steroids Man: Oh?
Steroids Man looks at the robot to see "Trent Armstrong" is engraved on his robot chest.
Steroids Man: What .... the smurf is this?
Robot: MY NAME.
Steroids Man: That's my smurf name!
Robot: NO -- YOUR NAME IS MR. missus friendly.
Steroids Man: MY NAME IS MIKE HUNT, DAMMIT!
Phil: Why do you guys have to be vulgar?
Steroids Man: That smurf robot stole MY name!!
Robot: I'M SORRY, BUT LEGALLY YOU DO NOT HAVE THIS NAME SO IT WAS MINE TO TAKE.
Steroids Man: Were you spying on my conversation with Amanda or what???~
Robot: OF COURSE I WAS.
Phil: There's nothing we can do, it's already engraved in his metal frame and embedded in his programing... you'll need another name, simple as that.
Doug enters the room walking awkwardly on his female robot legs and sits down with everyone drinking a long island iced tea.
Steroids Man: I hate you all, you are all sons of jabberwocky and all you all ever do is smurf WITH ME!
Steroids Man injects some steroids and punches holes in the floor.
Phil: Look at this news.
TV: And as more countries learn of Steroids Man's gross tax evasion and attempts to constantly change his name, more world leaders are demanding their money back, money they rewarded him for saving the world before they found out he was a total fraud.
Steroids Man: Oh no... this is spinning out of control! They think I am changing my name to get out of my taxes! I'm going to lose everything! What am I going to do?
Doug: Just save the world again and then you'll get even more money... and you can give me a raise.
Steroids Man: But the world is not in danger right now.... unless........
~~~~~~~~~~~
Steroids Man had gathered everyone except Amanda together in an abandoned warehouse.... not the same one the Manager's machine is in.
Phil: So... let me get this straight. I'm going to build a convincing looking nuclear bomb.... give us all evil costumes... and tap into all the TV's in the world with a threatening message.... and then you'll come in and pretend to save the world?
Steroids Man: Exactly, then I'll be a hero and won't owe any back taxes! Maybe I'll even make some more money.
Phil: What about Amanda? I'm sure she'll recognize us pretending to be super villains.
Steroids Man: I already got that covered, I cut the cable at home and she has no TV.
Phil: Wait... you disconnected the cable... or you actually cut the wires?
Steroids Man: I ripped the wires right out of the mansion... she'll never catch on.
Phil: Wow...
~~~~~~~later
We cut to a television in a random family's house and it cuts out.
Father: What the...
Suddenly the TV cuts back in to show Phil in an evil looking costume with an eye patch and wires attached to the technology in his head. He has little motors and cameras everywhere, and a keyboard on his chest. We cut to random bars and countries watching.
Phil: This is.... Captain Douche-bag.....
We show Steroids Man has cue cards off screen.
Phil: Anyway.... I am the first Human Cyborg and I am here with Lady Doom and Robo Hitler..... (Doug dressed up as an evil woman with his female robot legs exposed and the robot done up as Hitler with a mustache and hairpiece.)
Steroids Man continues to work the cue cards.
Phil: I have a nuclear bomb here... and I'm going to kill everyone!
We show a very convincing nuclear bomb and everyone watching on TV panics.
Phil: I am going to blow up the world because nobody loves me.... and I stop people from... having tickle fight?
Steroids Man flips the cue cards while laughing.
Phil: Ok, so give us all 900 trillion dollars or Earth dies, goodbye.
--The transmission abruptly ends--
Now that the cameras are off everyone relaxes.
Phil: Why did you make me say those horrible things?
Steroids Man: Do you want to be my friend or not?
Phil cries a single tear.
Steroids Man: Now, we'll give myself like an hour to "find the bad-guys" and then I'll defeat you on TV and be a hero again!
Doug: Good job Mike.
Steroids Man: ... Go smurf yourself.
~~~~~later
Everyone is sitting around playing cards, gambling and drinking, Phil, the robot and Doug still in costume. An alarm clock goes off.
Steroids Man: Ok guys, it's time. Make an announcement that you're going to blow up the world, and I'll come in and "defeat you all".
Phil goes to turn on the camera and interrupt the world's television broadcasts when....
The door busts open! The Council of Heroes bust through.
Ultra Man, Invisible Man, Half Man Half Speedboat, Hawk Eyes, Polaroid Man, Pylon Man and Crochet Lady.
Steroids Man: What the hell?!?!
Steroids Man looks over at Phil in shock.
Phil: Nobody should have found us.... I made the signal untraceable!
Ultra Man: We have upgraded our crime fighting equipment! No evil can evade the Council of Heroes!!!
Invisible Man: What the hell are you doing here Steroids Man?
Steroids Man: Me? I'm... I'm here to stop these bad guys!
Half Man / Half Speed Boat: No, we are!
Steroids Man: I got here first!
Ultra Man: Let the real heroes handle this!
Steroids Man screams and injects some steroids and turns on the cameras. The world witnesses Steroids Man as he goes over and kicks Phil in the stomach and he coughs up blood. Steroids Man then goes over and kicks Doug in his robot legs and they explode into shrapnel and he falls down and Steroids Man punches him in the jaw. Steroids Man then goes after the robot.
Robot: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Steroids Man beats the shazam! out of the robot and then rips his chest door off and rips out some wires and the robot shuts down.
The Council of Heroes are shocked and just watching... they are not visible to the TV audience.
Steroids Man (Speaking to camera): I did it! I'm Steroids Man and I saved the world again! Hopefully now I can keep my money and back taxes and we can call it even! Goodnight world and take card. I mean care.
Steroids Man shuts off the TV and there's a pause... all of Steroids Man's friends are unconscious.
Hawk Eyes: What the hell just happened.
Steroids Man: Looks like I'm the real hero after all.
Ultra Man: You're a fraud!
Steroids Man: You're so jealous.
Invisible Man: We're going to expose you to the world!
Steroids Man Uh oh...
The Council leaves and drives off.
Steroids Man: Manager?
The Manager appears.
The Manager: I'm on it.
~~~
The Council is driving down the road pissed off.
Polaroid Man: I think Steroids Man has been a fraud this whole time!
Pylon Man: Well... he did save us when Wheels took over the world.
Ultra Man: Oh, that was probably staged too.
Crochet Lady: Why do you guys got such a hate on for Steroids Man, I think he's sexy.
Ultra Man: ewwwww
Suddenly everything glows red and we see a projection of The Manager zapping the Council's car.
The red light fades and everyone in the car looks confused.
Ultra Man: What happened....
Half Man Half Speedboat: I'm not sure..... What time is it?
Hawk Eyes: How the hell did we get in this car, where are we?!??!
Invisible Man: Who is driving?!
***CRASH***
Ultra Man rear ends the vehicle into a police car.
Ultra Man: Oh come on!
----
So Ultra Man got a ticket and Steroids Man actually got to keep his money as he managed to trick the world.
~~~
Steroids Man is in the living room sitting down with Doug, The robot, Phil and Amanda.
Phil is in head bandages, Doug is using wooden legs and also in bandages and the robot is functioning on backup power and covered in electric tape (robot bandages)
Steroids Man: I'm sorry I kicked all your asses, but think of all the money we saved now.
Amanda: What? I thought you said they were all in a car accident.
Steroids Man: Yes.... no more questions.
Amanda: How come our TV doesn't work???
Steroids Man: Listen everyone.... I'm at the end of my rope..... I need a name.
Doug: Captain bottom Face!!!
Doug is really mad at Steroids Man, as are the other guys. Doug Especially though as he was starting to kind of enjoy being a woman.
Steroids Man: Guys I'm serious. I'll give you each a billion dollars if you can help me come up with a name right now.
Everyone looks interested.
Steroids Man I'm paying 4 billion dollars for this name, so it has to be awesome. It has to be something I can use at the wedding that Amanda can also go by that works.
They begin to toss around ideas but Steroids Man keeps rejecting them.
Doug: Well what are your suggestions then? Name yourself, balloon knot.
Steroids Man: Ok, I'll read off my list of ideas and you guys give me honest feedback.
Steroids Man pulls out a list and begins.
Steroids Man: Half Price?
...
Steroids Man: How about Tax Included?
Everyone just looks on confused.
Steroids Man: Ok.... how about ... Shipping and Handling?
Amanda: No...
Steroids Man: Jack Daniels.
Phil: Were you shopping online and drinking while trying to come up with a name?
Steroids Man: Yeah... I mean no! Dammit. Why don't you just throw yourself down the stairs, Phil? You are about as useless as....
Amanda: ...moving on.
Steroids Man: OK.... Special Sauce?
Everyone just shakes their head no.
Steroids Man: Here's a good one, Max Power!
Doug: That was on The Simpsons!
Steroids Man: Dobby Jones?
Steroids Man: Floyd Mayweather?
Steroids Man: Derek Jeter?
Steroids Man: Edward McAwesome?
Amanda: Those are getting a little better.... except for that last one.
Steroids Man: Batman.
Amanda just has a dead expression on her face.
Steroids Man: El Kabong.
Amanda: Wow.
Steroids Man: Bruce McCullough.
Amanda kind of moves her hand to indicate "maybe" and everyone else just kind of shrugs.
Doug: Wasn't he one of the Kids in the Hall?
Steroids Man: Ok... I only have one name left on my list.... I think I like this one the best. And I was mostly sober when I came up with it.
Steroids Man reads the name to everyone.
Robot: I LIKE IT!
Phil: That actually works very well for you.
Doug: Can I have money now?
Max: Meow.
Amanda: Well ... yeah... it does work and definitely fits ... but...
Steroids Man: I know... the last name....
Amanda: It's cool, if you really like it.
Steroids Man: I do. It reminds me of all the cool and manly people.
~~~
Steroids Man goes before a judge.
Judge: Back again huh.... what are you going to call yourself this time?
Steroids Man: Hey Joe, I mean Your Honor, this is the last time. My life long search for a name is over. I got it ... the prefect name!
Judge: What is it?
Steroids Man: Steve Mann.
Everyone witnessing this cheers!
